The Power of Forgiveness: breaking the chains that hold us hostage
“But I don’t want to!”
I’ll admit, that was my own response to the Lord when someone offended me. I wasn’t ready to forgive. I had all kinds of reasons to delay forgiveness. I wanted to hold onto the offense, coddle it, and hold it close because I was justified to do so (and others would agree, of course!) There was security and power in holding a grudge. That person wronged me, hurt me, did or said things that were not right. If I forgave them, I would be letting them ‘off the hook’ and that would be wrong…right?
We struggle to do what Jesus asks us because we think that if we forgive, we’re exonerating that person from their offense and we’re removing their accountability for what they’ve done. “Lord, if I forgive them, then they’re getting away with it!” Satan deceives us into that mindset, friends along with the delusion that we have that kind of power. Ultimately, God holds that ‘other’ accountable- He sees and knows. They will stand before Him and answer for what they’ve done. No one gets away with sin. No one. Sometimes the law or the church can successfully bring justice or resolution, but be assured, the offense will not be forgotten, nor will it be dismissed in the eyes of God.
But when it comes to our sons and daughters, our protective parental nature steps up to shield our kids and make sure they’re okay. We will fight for them when they cannot stand for themselves. And we’re even more cautious and hesitant to offer forgiveness because we’re protecting our family and we want justice and to see payment for the offense.
“Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Matthew 18:21
When Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” (Matthew 18:21). I’m sure Peter thought he was being generous and righteous, taking the higher road, to forgive someone seven times was going above and beyond, right?
But Jesus' response turned that around. “Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” (Matthew 18:22)
Why would Jesus say that?
You see, forgiveness is not just for the ‘other’ person. Forgiveness is for us who are offended and who struggle with the injustice of it. Forgiving once isn’t enough because those feelings of injustice, hurt, pain, anger, bitterness and more come flooding back into our hearts in ever increasing waves and begin to put distance between us and God. Oh, we justify it by saying we’re holding that other person accountable. But really, we’re poisoning our own hearts in our quest to justify our hurt and bring accountability to the other. Holding that other person accountable becomes our full time obsession and consumes our thinking, our being and steals our joy.
Studies show that harboring unforgiveness has a physical impact on our bodies.
“Chronic anger puts you into a fight-or-flight mode, which results in numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure and immune response. Those changes, then, increase the risk of depression, heart disease and diabetes, among other conditions. Forgiveness, however, calms stress levels, leading to improved health.” (1)
Unforgiveness can damage us for life and lead to a premature death. It can be all consuming and ruinous. Why would we allow something to have that much power over us?
The act of forgiveness releases that pain, hurt, and poison. But it’s never a ‘one and done’ act. We need to forgive as many times as it takes for our head and heart to recognize and believe that we can trust GOD to hold that other person accountable and to be confident He will bring justice- it’s not for us to ensure. Oh, if laws were broken and restitution is needed, of course it’s important to engage the legal system. But friends, it’s even more important to engage our hearts with the Lord and surrender to His Lordship. Why would we let someone else’s offense damage our relationship with God? Then their offense becomes doubly-damaging.
It is not our responsibility to be the prosecuting attorney in the courtroom of the Lord. That’s just not our job. Essentially, when we do that, we are putting ourselves in God’s place and friends, that’s idolatry. When we refuse to forgive, we are telling God we don’t trust Him to bring justice and resolution. We question His authority, His power, and His lordship in our lives when we cling to unforgiveness. When we hold onto an offense, it becomes the ‘third wheel’ in the relationship and soon, it becomes the focus and God takes a back seat.
Instead, every time we feel that anger, bitterness, and pain bubble up, we need to say “I forgive them.” Say it out loud, say it in your heart, say it to the Lord, and pray that He would help you feel that forgiveness. We need to continue saying it until we truly feel the forgiveness that releases us from the bondage of bitterness that would damage our communion with the Lord. We need to say it until we are no longer consumed by it.
Jesus told Peter to forgive seventy times seven because He knew how an offense and the resulting bitterness linger and unless we’re willing to give it to the Lord and allow Him to be our avenger, we will become hardened, bitter, and a victim of that offense all over again, and again, and again.
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25
Jesus also told Peter, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” (Mark 11:25). Think about that! Do we want Jesus to forgive us? If so, then we need to forgive others.
Do you ever feel like your prayers are hitting the ceiling but not reaching the Lord? Could it be you need to do some forgiving?
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” Luke 6:37
Now here’s an important parenting moment….of course our sons and daughters have encountered hurt and offense…how do we advise them? And do we carry a grudge on their behalf?
Oh, friends, when someone wrongs our kids, the “Momma bear” can come out and take over, right? But if we want to be an example of Christ to our sons and daughters, we need to model Jesus to them. Jesus forgave those who crucified Him. Think about that. Jesus forgave those who put Him to death. He knew that He held the ultimate power and that one day those same people would stand before Him…His love for them and His desire to see them know and follow Him as Lord and Savior eclipsed everything else. Would Jesus deny them salvation? No! That was the very reason He was willing to die. And friends, that same Savior who holds ultimate power is the One who lives in us. That same power that raised Him from the dead is the same power that works in us (Ephesians 1:18-20). The same Lord who conquered sin and death is the Lord who is in control of every aspect of our life. Why would we set that aside for the sake of holding onto the sinful attitude of unforgiveness?
Do we have a heart for others that, more than earthly justice and payback to others, wants to see lost people saved? Do we want to see lives changed and surrendered to the Lord or are we clinging to our need for personal justice and accountability at the cost of eternity?
True freedom comes by praying for those who have hurt you. Pray for their heart- that they would find forgiveness and purpose with life in Christ. And pray that Jesus would heal your heart and help you forgive. There is so much freedom in forgiveness. There is joy, there is purpose, and there is a pathway to serving the Lord free from the chains of bitterness and unforgiveness. Satan uses unforgiveness to hold us hostage, but freedom is found in Christ and in the forgiveness He empowers us to embrace.
“Forgive. Seventy times seven and keep forgiving until God grants you the freedom from the bondage of unforgiveness.”
The best thing we can do is to pray.
“Oh, Lord, it’s so hard to surrender control over the situations and people who have hurt me. I know I don’t have the ability to bring justice, to make them pay for their offenses, and to restore what was lost. Yet I’m afraid to let go and forgive because it seems counter-productive and in my mind and heart. In my human mind, forgiveness releases them from being accountable. But Lord, I know You see it and You will take it in hand. Psalm 10:14 reminds me, “But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted; you consider their grief and take it in hand. The victims commit themselves to you; you are the helper of the fatherless.” I am not Fatherless, Lord, because I have You. I pray that You would see my trouble. See the trouble of (name), my (son/daughter). I ask that You would bring healing and freedom from the pain of the wrong done and from the bitterness and anger that fester. Give us courage and strength to forgive, not just for the other person, but to maintain our relationship with You. Please help us to not allow this to stand in the way of our fellowship with You. So right now, I choose to forgive (name) for what they did and the pain they caused. I forgive them Lord and pray that You would work in their life, bring confession, repentance, and redemption so that (name) would come to know You as Lord and Savior. Help (name) to recognize that hurting others only tightens the chains of bondage that Satan holds over them and to understand that there is boundless spiritual freedom in following Jesus as Lord and. Bring healing and freedom to all of us, Lord. I pray this in Jesus’ name, amen.”
Pray without ceasing.
Forgiveness: Your health depends on it. Johns Hopkins Medicine. (2024, June 20). https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/forgiveness-your-health-depends-on-it
Are you praying for a prodigal? Don’t lose heart. God sees and He hears. Keep laying your burdens in prayer at the feet of Jesus. Trust Him, He is working. You may not see it, but He works in dimensions that are beyond our comprehension. Pray for those friends and associates that interact with your beloved prodigal, that God would use them to bring them to full surrender to Jesus as Lord.
40 Days of Prayer for the Prodigal is a powerful book for anyone deeply in prayer for the heart of their loved one. The book addresses the battle for the heart, mind, and soul of the prodigal through praying Scripture boldly and consistently with faith that God will bring repentance and restoration. Pray the words of Scripture in powerful and effective ways to plead with God about the condition and situation of your beloved prodigal and watch God work!
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