Seasons of Parenting
“For everything there is a season,
and a time for every matter under heaven:”
Ecclesiastes 3:1
Changing seasons can be hard, both on the calendar and in life. We find we get comfortable in a season and we want to stay there, enjoying what we know, managing what we’ve become accustomed to, and not wanting change or challenge. Too often, instead of celebrating something new, we grieve the changing of the seasons like there’s been a death and we mourn the end of what was that will never be again.
Parenting exists in seasons as well. Sometimes we fixate on the next season to come (Oh, when they’re finally sleeping through the night… when they’re potty trained…when they go to school) yet we miss the beauty and sacredness of the current season for the longing we have for the next. If we pined for summer when spring barely arrived, we would miss the beauty of new creation blooming from the softening earth, the flowers stretching toward the sunshine and the fresh green leaves unfolding to their full expanse, soaking up the warming rays of sun. There is much beauty in the Spring, in spite of the rainy, muddy, messy weather that often accompanies it.
Each new season brings new discoveries about us and our children. We learn new things about ourselves and we watch in fascination as our children discover the world around them. We encounter pain and loss, but with them come growth and maturity. We learn from mistakes and we watch as our children do as well, and the next time they encounter the challenge, they meet it with greater wisdom and practiced experience. Each new day is a day neither parent or child has lived before, isn’t that comforting? Both enter it as novices and finish it having mastered it as best they could and better prepared to do it again on the next new day. And God, in His graciousness, daily gives us new opportunities and new mercy to continue to learn, grow, and deepen our love for Him.
We watch our children grow up through the seasons and finally set out on their own and we see the autumn of our life creeping up on us, certain that our most vibrant years are fading behind us. But friends, look around you. The autumn season brings some of the most vibrant colors and earthy fragrances that remind us of cozy fires, sweet fellowship, and drawing near for warmth and comfort. Seasons are God’s way of renewing us and growing us in so many ways.
When we look at a tree, the rings inside tell a story. We can see times of growth, times of drought, and even times of fire. Our lives tell the same. The seasons that God leads us through grow us into the mothers and fathers He desires us to be. New growth in the spring often leads to mature fruit that flourishes in the summer. Autumn brings a change of color and each tree seems to become even more individual from the others, showing colors all their own and bursting with the oranges, yellows, reds and golds that shout the glory of God in the autumn sun. The individuality of each tree is more noticeable in the autumn. But then comes winter. The leaves fall off, dried, brown and crunchy or limp under foot. The branches are bare and the bones of the trees are exposed for all to see. There is little beauty in the exposed, brown bark of the winter tree. Yet there is still life inside and a resting and renewal process that is working under the surface, preparing for another season of fruit. Autumn isn’t the harbinger of death, it’s a signal of coming rest and renewal in which God does a deep work under the surface.
That’s how God works in us. We’re not always going to be bearing bushels of fruit 100% of the time. Psalm 1:3 tell us, “He [the man who delights in the Lord] is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.” Did you catch that? In its season. The Hebrew word is ‘et’ and it means a fit and proper time (1). God doesn’t push us to be fruitful before we’re ready. He prepares us, plants us, waters us, and gives us what we need to be fruitful for Him, as long as we remain rooted in His living water and the Truth of the Word. A tree doesn’t bear fruit right away, sometimes it takes years, the right climate, the right nourishment, and nurturing to help it grow.
We did that for our children, but friends, we need to be mindful of our own nourishment and growth. We need to recognize that just because the ‘nest’ is empty, does not mean our usefulness is complete. If we’re nearing the autumn of our life, there is still much to do and much glory to bring to the Lord! We need to be mindful of setting an example to our sons and daughters that our purpose in life was not simply to raise them, but our purpose was and is to glorify God and enjoy Him throughout every season of our lives.
Though our sons and daughters may be grown and flown, our nest is still useful! Titus 2 tells us that the older women should teach the younger women. Who is teaching our daughters…and whose daughters are we teaching? Men, what example are you setting for your sons and for the sons of others? Now is perfect season to dig deeper into scripture, learn more and grow in your knowledge, understanding, discernment, and love of God and His word. No longer are we consumed with diapers, play dates, sleepless nights and endless laundry. We have a quiet house that lends itself to focused study and prayer, we can be that tree bearing fruit in so many spectacular ways!
“But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us.” Titus 2:1-8
How will your ‘colors’ be on display in this autumn season of life? Will you choose to be vibrant and allow the Son to change you into something beautiful? Will you gladly share it with those around you? Why not be intentional to set a beautiful example for the next generation so that they will look forward to their next season of life, seeing that God works through us in each and every season to bring something beautiful that glorifies Him. Seasons are not the ‘end’ but the signal of a new beginning that holds promise and hope. Cling tightly to Jesus and let Him fill you in this season to be all He intends you to be for His glory.
”Lord, God, You are the Lord of the Seasons and each one has purpose and design to accomplish what You will for our lives. I pray that in this season of being a parent to adult children, You would help me to push my roots deeper into You, Your Word, and to pursue Your will authentically and purposefully. I know that until I stand before You, I am not finished here and although my children may be grown, there is more for me to do for You. Help me to see where You are leading. Give me opportunities to serve. Help me to be the Titus 2 man or woman that You desire, speaking truth and life into those who are younger, living out the example of a godly man or woman. Lord, I know there is beauty in every season. Help me not to mourn what is behind, but to look eagerly for what is ahead. You are a God of hope and of new mercy. Help me to live in that each day and embrace what it is You have for me to do. Lord, help me to live for Your glory alone and to celebrate your goodness each day. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Pray without ceasing.
H6256 - ʿēṯ - Strong's Hebrew Lexicon (esv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/h6256/esv/wlc/0-1/