Seasons of Parenting
“For everything there is a season,
and a time for every matter under heaven:”
Ecclesiastes 3:1
Changing seasons can be hard, both on the calendar and in life. We find we get comfortable in a season and we want to stay there, enjoying what we know, managing what we’ve become accustomed to, and not wanting change or challenge. Too often, instead of celebrating something new, we grieve the changing of the seasons like there’s been a death and we mourn the end of what was that will never be again.
Parenting exists in seasons as well. Sometimes we fixate on the next season to come (Oh, when they’re finally sleeping through the night… when they’re potty trained…when they go to school) yet we miss the beauty and sacredness of the current season for the longing we have for the next. If we pined for summer when spring barely arrived, we would miss the beauty of new creation blooming from the softening earth, the flowers stretching toward the sunshine and the fresh green leaves unfolding to their full expanse, soaking up the warming rays of sun. There is much beauty in the Spring, in spite of the rainy, muddy, messy weather that often accompanies it.
Each new season brings new discoveries about us and our children. We learn new things about ourselves and we watch in fascination as our children discover the world around them. We encounter pain and loss, but with them come growth and maturity. We learn from mistakes and we watch as our children do as well, and the next time they encounter the challenge, they meet it with greater wisdom and practiced experience. Each new day is a day neither parent or child has lived before, isn’t that comforting? Both enter it as novices and finish it having mastered it as best they could and better prepared to do it again on the next new day. And God, in His graciousness, daily gives us new opportunities and new mercy to continue to learn, grow, and deepen our love for Him.
We watch our children grow up through the seasons and finally set out on their own and we see the autumn of our life creeping up on us, certain that our most vibrant years are fading behind us. But friends, look around you. The autumn season brings some of the most vibrant colors and earthy fragrances that remind us of cozy fires, sweet fellowship, and drawing near for warmth and comfort. Seasons are God’s way of renewing us and growing us in so many ways.
When we look at a tree, the rings inside tell a story. We can see times of growth, times of drought, and even times of fire. Our lives tell the same. The seasons that God leads us through grow us into the mothers and fathers He desires us to be. New growth in the spring often leads to mature fruit that flourishes in the summer. Autumn brings a change of color and each tree seems to become even more individual from the others, showing colors all their own and bursting with the oranges, yellows, reds and golds that shout the glory of God in the autumn sun. The individuality of each tree is more noticeable in the autumn. But then comes winter. The leaves fall off, dried, brown and crunchy or limp under foot. The branches are bare and the bones of the trees are exposed for all to see. There is little beauty in the exposed, brown bark of the winter tree. Yet there is still life inside and a resting and renewal process that is working under the surface, preparing for another season of fruit. Autumn isn’t the harbinger of death, it’s a signal of coming rest and renewal in which God does a deep work under the surface.
That’s how God works in us. We’re not always going to be bearing bushels of fruit 100% of the time. Psalm 1:3 tell us, “He [the man who delights in the Lord] is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.” Did you catch that? In its season. The Hebrew word is ‘et’ and it means a fit and proper time (1). God doesn’t push us to be fruitful before we’re ready. He prepares us, plants us, waters us, and gives us what we need to be fruitful for Him, as long as we remain rooted in His living water and the Truth of the Word. A tree doesn’t bear fruit right away, sometimes it takes years, the right climate, the right nourishment, and nurturing to help it grow.
We did that for our children, but friends, we need to be mindful of our own nourishment and growth. We need to recognize that just because the ‘nest’ is empty, does not mean our usefulness is complete. If we’re nearing the autumn of our life, there is still much to do and much glory to bring to the Lord! We need to be mindful of setting an example to our sons and daughters that our purpose in life was not simply to raise them, but our purpose was and is to glorify God and enjoy Him throughout every season of our lives.
Though our sons and daughters may be grown and flown, our nest is still useful! Titus 2 tells us that the older women should teach the younger women. Who is teaching our daughters…and whose daughters are we teaching? Men, what example are you setting for your sons and for the sons of others? Now is perfect season to dig deeper into scripture, learn more and grow in your knowledge, understanding, discernment, and love of God and His word. No longer are we consumed with diapers, play dates, sleepless nights and endless laundry. We have a quiet house that lends itself to focused study and prayer, we can be that tree bearing fruit in so many spectacular ways!
“But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us.” Titus 2:1-8
How will your ‘colors’ be on display in this autumn season of life? Will you choose to be vibrant and allow the Son to change you into something beautiful? Will you gladly share it with those around you? Why not be intentional to set a beautiful example for the next generation so that they will look forward to their next season of life, seeing that God works through us in each and every season to bring something beautiful that glorifies Him. Seasons are not the ‘end’ but the signal of a new beginning that holds promise and hope. Cling tightly to Jesus and let Him fill you in this season to be all He intends you to be for His glory.
”Lord, God, You are the Lord of the Seasons and each one has purpose and design to accomplish what You will for our lives. I pray that in this season of being a parent to adult children, You would help me to push my roots deeper into You, Your Word, and to pursue Your will authentically and purposefully. I know that until I stand before You, I am not finished here and although my children may be grown, there is more for me to do for You. Help me to see where You are leading. Give me opportunities to serve. Help me to be the Titus 2 man or woman that You desire, speaking truth and life into those who are younger, living out the example of a godly man or woman. Lord, I know there is beauty in every season. Help me not to mourn what is behind, but to look eagerly for what is ahead. You are a God of hope and of new mercy. Help me to live in that each day and embrace what it is You have for me to do. Lord, help me to live for Your glory alone and to celebrate your goodness each day. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Pray without ceasing.
H6256 - ʿēṯ - Strong's Hebrew Lexicon (esv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/h6256/esv/wlc/0-1/
Forgive, and then, Forgive More
“And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”
Matthew 6:12
Debts: opheilema (Greek) that which is owed; an offense or sin. (1)
Consider this: withholding love and forgiveness from someone because of hurt they've caused us may seem justified...we want them to acknowledge just how much they hurt us. We want them to earn our forgiveness. Oh, we 'plan to offer forgiveness' once they've proven themselves sorry enough and we consider that being the 'bigger person'. We rationalize our stance based upon our rightness (and our level of hurt) and upon calling the other 'up' to what is right.
But that isn't what Christ calls us to do. He tells us to forgive, and forgive more. If He withheld His love from us until we were sorry enough and worthy enough, we'd never know His forgiveness. We are not deserving of His redemption. He saved us because He loves us. Do we love enough to forgive?
Pray about having a forgiving heart and then, forgive. Forgive again. And keep on forgiving, because it’s what God does for us. You see, forgiveness isn’t about being right. It’s not about holding others accountable. It’s about freeing our own heart to be right with God and to hear His voice because we’ve quieted our own by His truth.
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:12-13
“Oh, Heavenly Father, You love us so deeply and far too often, we don’t comprehend the depth of Your love, nor the cost of forgiveness that You extend to us so freely. The depth of the dirtiness and depravity of our own sin is often lost on us. We see ourselves as ‘not THAT bad’, yet all of our perceived righteousness is as filthy rags, impure, soiled, and good for nothing. It can’t purchase our forgiveness- we don’t deserve it. We are hell-bound yet righteous in our own eyes.”
“Lord Jesus, give us a true picture of our sin and lostness. Help us to see that we are so undeserving and, in seeing how lost we are, help us to see how Your redemption is perfect, eternal, unchanging, abundant and FREE. We don’t deserve it, yet You extend it. We can’t earn it, yet You give it to us freely. Help us to see just how much You’ve given and how greatly You forgive, and then prick our hearts with compassion. Convict us to want to forgive others quickly and completely. Remind us that forgiveness is not a ‘feeling’ but a choice, an action, and a willingness to allow You to be the judge and hold the ‘other’ accountable. Remind us that if we want to be like You, Jesus, we will forgive even those who don’t understand how they’ve hurt us.”
“Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.’” Luke 23:34
“Holy Spirit, fill us with more of You so that we willingly forgive others. Free us from the bondage of unforgiveness that poisons us and makes it difficult to hear Your voice and obey Your will. Give us strength and conviction to extend forgiveness to others, not with a “yes, but..” rather, with an “I already have, I love you.” Help us to forgive others, just as you forgave us, in Jesus’ name, amen.”
Pray without ceasing. Forgive without stopping. Love others generously. Be like Jesus.
G3783 - opheilēma - Strong's Greek Lexicon (nasb95). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g3783/nasb95/mgnt/0-1/
Acid Tongue
Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Acid burns. It corrodes. It’s sour. Those qualities can describe our words, too. They hit hard, they burn and fester. Words can eat away at our heart and mind leaving them raw, exposed and hurting. Words can set our spirit on edge and cause damage that is not easily repaired.
Sometimes we may find ourselves using our words to try and motivate certain responses or actions - what we think our sons and daughters should do or be. But that can quickly turn into using words as a weapon to accomplish our own agenda. Our words can become passive-aggressive and just plain nasty. Maybe we don’t intend them to be so; sometimes we don’t realize the weight and sharpness of our words. But we should.
James 3:5-10 says, “Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.”
Our words can pull others close, or push them away. They can speak truth in love and be a balm to a hurting heart. Or our words can be caustic, burning as they hit and leaving scars as they sink deeply. Our mantra should not be “well, the truth hurts”. It should be “how can I speak like Jesus?” You see, Jesus didn’t look for opportunities to tear others down, to speak ‘truth that hurts’ or to use passive-aggressive means to win souls. He didn’t use His words to puff himself up or show himself ‘better than’. He didn’t use words to shame or humiliate. No, Jesus was compassionate. He was thoughtful.
Yes, Jesus spoke truth- He IS the Truth. But he spoke it in such a way that the ‘other’ was respected. He spoke with words that intrigued the listener and supported the Holy Spirit’s work in them. Even those caught in sin were spoken to in love, not spite or arrogance (that was the Pharisees’ approach). The woman in John 8, caught in sin, wasn’t given a whole sermon on her depravity. She wasn’t paraded out as an example to others and shamed for her actions. Her missteps were not listed out for her and all others to hear. She wasn’t humiliated because of her error, she was shown compassion, because Jesus loved her and He wanted His words to reflect His love and compassion.
Proverbs 12:18 “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
Let’s not allow our words to be dictated by which day of the week it is….- speaking sweetly on Sunday when we’re at church and then turning the switch to acid words when we get in the car and set our Bible aside. Let’s stop and think, “will my response, my words, my questions and my encouragements make others love Jesus more…or will they begin to corrode the heart and spirit of the listener?”
The Lord calls us to love Him with all of our heart, our soul, our mind and our strength (Luke 10:27). If all of us is consumed with Him, then our words will be a by-product of that relationship. We’ll speak words of truth and life because that’s where our heart, soul, mind and strength are grounded . If our words don’t reflect that, it’s an indication that our focus might need some readjusting.
Friends, Jesus doesn’t need us to be another's ‘Holy Spirit’. He’s got that covered. He needs us to speak truth in love. Yes, friends, it’s time to watch our words. Let’s put aside the acid tongue and speak to one another, to our sons and daughters, to those who may be within earshot, with an agape vocabulary: one that shows affection, goodwill, benevolence and love. “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Proverbs 16:24.
Today, let’s pray that we speak in ways that reflect Christ. Pray that our sons and daughters would as well. Pray that the Holy Spirit would put a guard on our tongues and prick our hearts when we begin to pour acid instead of honey. Let’s impact our world with the Love of Christ, not the sting and stench of the old nature.
“Father, You are the Author of Truth and the giver of good. If we are your children, we should reflect Your nature- help us to do that. I pray that when I speak, it would be motivated by love and not my own agenda. Lord, I so want my sons and daughters to follow after You. But sometimes my words don’t encourage them and the example I set is not always one that reflect You. Change me, Lord. Make me more like Jesus. Let the words I speak build others up- even if they’re just overhearing, let them be blessed because they hear Jesus in the way and words that I speak. I pray for (name) today. Let the words of their mouth and the meditation of their heart be pleasing in Your sight, Lord (Ps. 19:14) Lord, help us to respond, not react, when we choose to speak. Let our words be like honey, not like acid. Lord, I love You and I want to represent You well. Please work in me, work in my family, let our words point others to the cross, not to a wake of wreckage that we leave behind due to our acid tongues. Let us be known for the sweetness of our words, not an acid tongue. “Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth: keep watch over the door of my lips.” (Ps 141:3” In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.”
Pray without ceasing, friends!
G26 - agapē - Strong's Greek Lexicon (kjv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g26/kjv/tr/0-1/
