Direction or Distraction: Practicing Discernment
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.” Philippians 1:9-11
New opportunities can be exciting! They can mean new locations, experiences, and relationships. The possibilities seem endless and the world is wide open. This could be what we’ve been waiting for…or not. But not every opportunity is one we should take. How do we discern what is the right choice? How do we guide our sons and daughters in the process?
Remember when our kids would come running in, breathless and excited, words tumbling over one another in an effort to tell their news, the exciting opportunity, the new discovery or adventure they just learned of? Maybe it was a ‘business idea’ (my daughter’s lemonade stand, in the middle of January, snow on the street and not a soul in sight) or the chance to go to camp (no, honey, you’re only in first grade, you have to wait a few years). But as our sons and daughters grew and matured, the opportunities also matured and grew, “Mom, I have to tell you about this guy…” “Dad, I’ve been considering signing with the Army…”. “Oh, we wanted to tell you guys, we’re moving….to another state.”
Throughout their lives, our sons and daughters will be presented with opportunities, or relationships, or even goals that would help direct and shape them. But just because it’s presented to them doesn’t mean it’s of God. That’s where discernment comes into play. The first question to ask is whether this is direction or distraction. Is God leading or is the enemy trying to derail us? Just because something is ‘good’ does not mean that God wants us to follow it or embrace it.
Discernment is something God asks us to practice. It helps us understand God’s will, His prompting and leading, and gives us clear direction to go and do or stay and wait. But it’s not something we just ‘grow into’ naturally. Discernment is provided by the Holy Spirit through our fellowship with Him and through our growth in our walk with the Lord. The Holy Spirit will provide clear spiritual discernment, but we need to be listening and willing to respond to His voice and His leading.
Paul says in Philippians 1:9-11 “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.”
Discernment is a product of our love for God that is demonstrated in our pursuit of knowledge of Him and depth of insight into Scripture. The Apostle Paul isn’t just talking about the act of knowing information but the knowledge discussed in Philippians 1:9 is the Greek word ‘epignosis’ which means “precise and correct knowledge”. It is the word used for “things ethical and divine.” (1)
We don’t just pursue knowledge, for the sake of accumulating ‘facts’ and information, but we pursue a relationship with God. Knowing the Lord more deeply, understanding His character, pursuing His heart will enable us to understand His love for us and empower us to imitate Jesus Christ and reflect Him correctly (Philippians 2:5-11).
In addition to proper knowledge, Paul also mentions ‘depth of insight’ or good judgment in verse 9. The Greek word here is aisthesis and it means “perception or discernment.” (2 ) The growth in our knowledge of God brings discernment and that discernment is the ability to “test, examine, prove, scrutinize to see whether a thing is genuine or not.” (3) Isn’t that what we pray our sons and daughters would do when presented with an opportunity or decision? We want them to examine it carefully, not based on ‘feeling’ but on knowledge and insight of what and where God would lead.
It’s all connected. Precise and correct knowledge leads to effective discernment and, in turn, that discernment ensures effective decision making- the ability to know whether an opportunity is a direction or a distraction.
As parents, we must tread carefully as we listen and advise. We don’t have the liberty to tell our adult children what they can and cannot do- they are adults and regardless of how much we want to just say “No!” Or “Wait!” We need to practice discernment as well. If we are too vocal, we risk them backing away or perhaps withholding information to prevent our opinions and interference from swaying them or from guilting them into a decision. We don’t want their decision-making to be based on pleasing us, we want them to discern clearly and decide wisely based on God’s will for their lives. Colossians 1:9 is an excellent verse to pray over our sons and daughters as they make decisions and discern whether an opportunity is direction or distraction.
“For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives,”
Then, we can encourage them with these two steps:
When we are presented with opportunities that seem amazing, we need to pause and pray. Is this of God? How can I tell? How would this create opportunities to use my gifts and talents in ways that bring Him glory? Is there any ‘caution’ that I see in moving forward?
Proverbs 19:2 “It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way.”
2. Next, we should seek wise counsel. Share with spiritual mentors what we believe God is leading us to and to get their insight into whether we are being wise or whether we are only seeing what we want or hope to see.
Proverbs 15:22 “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”
Ask if they’ve spoken to their pastor or a spiritual mentor. Pray with them. Pray for them. Ask the Lord to clearly show whether the opportunity is a direction or a distraction. And understand that our son or daughter may need to hear from someone besides us. Pray for that person. There is mighty power in prayer. It’s not the least you can do, it’s the best you can do.
As parents, we need to have honest conversations with the Lord. Ask Him to put up barriers if the opportunity is a distraction. Ask Him to reveal those things that are of concern and are not of Him. Pray that He makes it evident for all to see, especially our son or daughter. But if this is God’s direction, ask Him to affirm it. Pray that He would make it clear this is the path to follow. And pray that He helps our heart embrace His leading too, because sometimes He asks our sons and daughters to go places and do things that are far away and hard. Sometimes He leads them to decisions that are not our favored outcome. Take heart, obeying God is always better, even if the direction is not what we would have chosen.
Discernment doesn’t mean inaction. It doesn’t mean resistance. It means active pursuit of God’s will, understanding His heart, His leading, and His direction. The more you spend time with Him, the better you understand and hear His voice.
Let’s pray for discernment for our sons and daughters so they can clearly see His direction and avoid the distractions that would pull them away from following Him.
“Father, You are a good Father. You love and care for us in ways we often can’t see or fully understand. You are working all things for our good and Your glory. I pray for (name) today. As they face decisions and make choices on so many things: relationships, direction for their career or life, locations to live, work, and worship, I pray that You would give them discernment. Grow them in their knowledge of You. Give them depth of understanding of Scripture. Help them to bear fruit that would give evidence of a strong relationship with You. All of these are necessary for Godly discernment. Lord, make them pause if they are leaning on emotions or ‘feelings’. Affirm when they are moving in the right direction. I pray that You would bring other believers around them to speak truth into them, encourage them, and yes, also caution them about potential dangers or missteps that would take them away from You. Lord, if (name) does not have a personal relationship with You, I pray that even today Your Holy Spirit would bring conviction and a hunger and thirst for righteousness. Stir in their heart a desire to set aside every idol and to make You Lord of their life. Grow them in wisdom and knowledge so that their discernment would reflect that which glorifies Christ, not themselves. Give them a desire to serve You and to please You. Help me to parent well in this season of adulthood. Help me not be selfish or controlling but to trust You and Your leading. Your ways are better than mine. Give me peace as I pray for (name). In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Pray without ceasing
G1922 - epignōsis - Strong's Greek Lexicon (kjv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g1922/kjv/tr/0-1/
G144 - aisthēsis - Strong's Greek Lexicon (kjv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g144/kjv/tr/0-1/
G1381 - dokimazō - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g1381/niv/mgnt/0-1/
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Questioning God
“How long, O Lord , must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, "Violence!" but you do not save? Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds.” Habakkuk 1:2-3
Some might think that questioning God demonstrates a rebellious attitude toward God, a lack of fear of Him, or perhaps a weak faith. Others would say it’s not for man to question God, yet God has given us a reasoning mind that, when we don’t understand something, will ask questions and seek truth and wrestle with things beyond our ability to grasp.
We may even hesitate to admit that we’ve questioned God ourselves in the midst of tragedy, pain, loss, or hardship. Why? Why, Lord? Why me? Why now? Why this? Why not healing, rescue, deliverance?
Our limited minds cannot grasp the eternal, limitless mind of God. Yet we try…and then we get angry or bitter towards Him when we don’t get the answers we think we deserve or we fall into despair thinking that we’ve been punished or abandoned. Oh how our minds jump to conclusions!
Just as we explained to our sons and daughters as we raised them, there is a right way and a wrong way to ask questions. The same applies when we talk to God. There is a right way and a wrong way to question Him. Below are some steps to ensure the questioning is with a right heart and doesn’t become accusing and bitter.
First, determine your motivation.
Are your questions coming from a place of truly wanting to know and understand, or are they motivated by bitterness, anger, and a desire to rail at God? Because one is inquiry and the other is accusatory.
“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23
Have a heart of humility.
Know your place. Who is God? Who are you? Where do you stand in that relationship? Before we bring any questions to God, we must acknowledge Who God is. We need to humble ourselves before Him.
“I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me. I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say, ‘My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.’” Isaiah 46:9-10
“Who among the gods is like you, Lord? Who is like you— majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders?” Exodus 15:11
A great Biblical example is the conversation between Job and God. Despite all of the suffering God allowed in Job’s life, He was still sovereign and still very much in control. When Job began to question Him, God responded and reminded Job of his position and of God’s eternal nature, perfect wisdom, unmatched power, and sovereign authority:
“Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.
Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Have you ever given orders to the morning,
or shown the dawn its place,
Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea
or walked in the recesses of the deep?
Have the gates of death been shown to you?
Have you seen the gates of the deepest darkness?
Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth?
Tell me, if you know all this.
“Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him?
Let him who accuses God answer him!” Job 38:4-5, 12, 16-18; Job 40:2
Job responded in humility. He understood his place. He realized that the Sovereign God could choose to do whatever He planned. It was not for Job to question, but to trust.
Then Job replied to the Lord:
“I know that you can do anything,
and no one can stop you.”“You asked, ‘Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?’
It is I—and I was talking about things I knew nothing about,
things far too wonderful for me.” Job 42:1-3
3. Take time to learn the attributes of God.
As human beings, we have finite understanding and experience. We are time bound and limited; we struggle to grasp the eternal and really anything that exceeds our boundaries or occurs outside of our senses. If we learn about God’s character and attributes, we will gain perspective on our situation and our distress in light of eternity and in the bounds of God’s sovereignty. It can temper our bitterness to enable us to surrender in the Presence of God and to HIs purpose and plan:
God is Eternal
“Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.” Ps 90:2
“Of old you laid the foundation of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands. They will perish, but you will remain; they will all wear out like a garment. You will change them like a robe, and they will pass away, but you are the same, and your years have no end.” Ps 102:25-27
God is Sovereign
“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.” Isa 40:28
God’s wisdom and power is limitless and unsearchable
“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.” Isaiah 40:28
God is omniscient, knowing all, and He is omnipotent-all powerful. He has purpose in whatever hardship He allows and is fully in control over them.
“But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, LORD, even as we put our hope in you.” Psalm 33:18-22
God has plans and purposes beyond our understanding
“Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides You, Who acts on behalf of those who wait for Him.” Isaiah 64:4
4. Know that any spiritual discernment and understanding of the situation will only come through the Holy Spirit.
Our limited, mortal minds cannot begin grasp the eternal, spiritual nature of God’s work. We need the intervention and disclosure of the Holy Spirit to enable us to discern God’s work.
“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him” 1 Corinthians 2:9
Corinthians goes on to say, “But God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.” 1 Corinthians 2:10
“We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us.” 1 Corinthians 2:12
5. Respond, don’t react.
Instead of reacting to the situation and circumstances, we need to choose to respond. Lord, what would you have me learn? What is it I need to understand?
Rather than allowing ourselves to cave in to anger, we need to seek the Lord and ask the Holy Spirit to work in our hearts and minds to reveal to us what God is doing and what his purpose is. It is the difference between being godly over being fleshly.
“The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.” I Corinthians 2:14
We must ask ourselves, is our response a reflection of wisdom or foolishness. Are we trusting in circumstances or the Sovereign Lord. Are we willing to walk in faith?
“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1
It’s easy to trust when you see things playing out logically, or in ways that benefit your goals and dreams. But faith is trusting what we do not see and having confidence in the promises of God, even when it’s not easily discerned. We must remember,
“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him” 1 Corinthians 2:9
When our sons and daughters encounter trouble and hardship (and they will) we as parents, mentors, and friends have a choice. What will we say in response to their questions? How will we counsel them? Will we react in kind and lose our self control, becoming angry or hysterical, or will we respond with Godly wisdom and the peace that passes understanding? If we know Jesus as our Savior and are indwelt by the Holy Spirit, we should always choose the latter.
Questioning God is something that we all will do at some point in our lives because we will all face circumstances and challenges that exceed our capacity to understand and surpass our coping skills and overwhelm our heart’s ability to embrace. Yet, God is there. He’s waiting to hear from us, He’s ready to answer, and He’s always present to supply our needs and sustain us through whatever it is we’re facing.
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33
Far too often, our reactions demonstrate we have more faith in the power of our circumstances to destroy us than in the Sovereign God of the Universe to deliver us.
Let’s be purposeful to point our sons and daughters to the cross. Let’s be deliberate about doing the same when we face hardship ourselves. Our children learn by watching us- even as adults. Let’s give them something worthy to emulate. Jesus and only Jesus should be our focus, our desire, our comfort, our refuge, and our strength. If we’re drawing strength and peace from another source, it’s artificial and cannot sustain us. Let’s go to the Authentic Source of life, strength, purpose and peace. Let’s cling tightly to Jesus.
“Oh Lord, God of the heavens and the earth. Before this world ever began, You were. You are always present and working. You always will be- You are eternal. That is more than my mind can grasp and for that I am so grateful. I know that my God is bigger than anything I will ever face, stronger than any enemy, and Your wisdom is more profound than I can comprehend. I pray that You would give me strength, discernment, and wisdom to encourage my sons and daughters. I pray especially for (name) as they struggle. Lord, You see them, You love them, and I know You have a purpose and plan that is beyond our understanding. I pray that You will protect them from bitterness. Open their eyes to see whether they are responding to you or reacting in anger and bitterness. Give them a humble heart to listen for Your voice and trust Your work. Lord, even when they don’t understand, help them to rely on Your goodness, Your lovingkindness, Your Sovereign power and Your eternal plan. Remind them of Your attributes. Then, give them strength and wisdom to seek the Holy Spirit for discernment. Lord, if they do not know you personally, if they are walking a path that is not with Jesus, I pray that You would use this situation to bring them to repentance and to salvation in Jesus through His death on the cross and His resurrection from the dead. Fill them with joy in Your Presence so that no matter what circumstances they face here, they know you have far better things planned for them in eternity with You, things that our minds can’t even begin to imagine. I pray, Father, that through Your Son, Jesus and through the Holy Spirit working, alive and active in their heart, that they would listen for Your voice, be ready for Your answers, and be trusting that You will never leave or forsake them. Give me courage to support them correctly, using Your Word and Your wisdom to point them to Jesus, again and again. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.”
Be still, my soul! the Lord is on your side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to your God to order and provide;
In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul! your best, your heav’nly friend
Thru' thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul! your God does undertake
To guide the future as he has the past;
Your hope, your confidence, let nothing shake;
all now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul! the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he lived below.
Kathrina von Schlegel (1)
Pray without ceasing.
von Schlegel, K. (1752). Be still, my soul. Hymnary.org. https://hymnary.org/text/be_still_my_soul_the_lord_is_on_thy_side#Author
IT’S ALL GOOD
Psalm 119:68 “You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees.”
There were two basic questions we asked when our kids were young. The first was “Who are they with?” And the second was “What are they learning when they’re with that person?”
What most concerned us about the ‘who are they with’ question was who was influencing our sons and daughters. Were they a good influence. What did they value? Did they use good language and were they careful in how and where they spent their time? Then, we likely wondered about the families of those ‘others’. Were they ‘good’ people?
The second question was one that set our parental sense of responsibility in high gear. We had to ensure that our children learned well! We were all about finding the right school for them. We wanted a ‘good’ school, one that had a good reputation, good teachers, and produced good results. We were all about the ‘good’. Why? Because we wanted our sons and daughters to have the best we could provide and we knew that good was better than just ‘okay’. We had certain criteria and expectations. We didn’t want them learning from ‘just anyone’ and we wanted to ensure the education was solid, worth the investment and would prepare them well for life.
Even though our sons and daughters may be grown, those two concerns- who they are with and what they are learning- are probably still our concerns today.
So we pray. We pray boldly that our sons and daughters will choose to walk with God and learn from Him by spending time in His word.
God is GOOD. Strong’s Concordance defines good in so many beautiful ways: As a noun, the Hebrew word “tob” (1), “good” means: to be good, be pleasing, be joyful, be beneficial, be pleasant, be favorable, be happy, be right, be better or good for, to do good and act rightly.
As an adjective, “tob”(2) covers so many things! To be pleasant and agreeable to the senses, to be excellent, rich in value, appropriate or becoming, glad, understanding, kind and ethical.
Read those definitions again, and ponder them. They’re so rich!! They’re so beautiful. That is our God. And that is the content and character of what He desires us to learn and to become.
Wow! Wouldn’t it be amazing if our sons and daughters could describe their ‘friend list’ with those words!! How incredible would it be if they told us they were learning the goodness of Scripture and incorporating it into their life?!
There is no one better to spend time with or to learn from than God. There is no other who will build our character and teach us integrity. He is GOOD and what He does is GOOD.
Today, let’s pray that our sons and daughters crave the good that God gives and teaches!! And let’s pray that we do as well. He is good and what He does is good, let’s learn his decrees!
Pray without ceasing!
H2895 - ṭôḇ - Strong's Hebrew Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/h2895/niv/wlc/0-1/
H2896 - ṭôḇ - Strong's Hebrew Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/h2896/niv/wlc/0-1/