Have You Been Cut Off?
There is a trend right now among young people that is unhealthy and unbiblical. It is the decision to go ‘no contact’ with their parents and it’s devastating.
We’re not talking about situations where there has been unspeakable abuse or toxic interactions. This is a trend where young people decide to “set boundaries”, assert their adulthood, and cut off their parents altogether. The reasons range from protecting mental health to untenable differences of opinion in politics or values, and it’s being fed by voices that are not biblical or godly. Cancel culture has infiltrated family relationships under the guise of ‘spiritual wisdom’ and it is wreaking havoc.
Understand that there ARE people in this world who are best held at a distance. But that’s not what we’re talking about. I’m reading posts from parents who were blindsided by their son or daughter’s decision to totally cut off any communication with little to no warning and no effort to find a resolution. These are families that had good, healthy relationships, or so they thought. Then, out of the blue, their son or daughter announces they no longer want to engage with them. Phones are blocked and what ensues is a long silence with questions that go unanswered and efforts to reconcile that are unmet. The young person feels justified in their actions and they’re encouraged by their peers and the current culture that celebrates their ‘boldness’ and putting themselves ‘first’. Biblical guidance is pushed aside for that which affirms the ‘my truth’ movement.
Maybe this is your situation, or maybe you know someone who is in the midst of this. It is confusing, hurtful, and not what God intended for family relationships.
As I was talking to a friend going through this very thing, she mentioned a father in Scripture who endured just such a situation. His son turned on him, asked for his inheritance before the father even died, and then left, money in hand and sights set on pleasure and self-gratification. No goodbye. No communication. And his father had no idea where he was, or if he was even alive. (Read the story of the prodigal in Luke 15:11-32.)
As my friend grieved her own situation, she looked at me and said, “What else can I do? So I wait.” If we’re honest, we don’t wait well. We want action. We want resolution. We want to DO something to fix it. But the father of the prodigal waited. He waited and he watched.
And while the father waited, God did a work in the life of the prodigal. That young man chased after everything he thought he wanted, everything he believed would satisfy his heart. He had no thought for his family, for his father, only for himself. He spent lavishly. He lived riotously. He chose not to think about the consequences of his actions or where they might lead. But God knew exactly where it would lead and how He would use it. The prodigal went through some ‘stuff’... had the father been aware and able, he might have tried to ease the suffering, intervene in the hardship, stave off the ramifications. But God used those very hardships to change the heart of the prodigal. Ponder this…are we getting in the way of God in our attempts to fix the situation?
Back to the father…he waited. He didn’t plead. He didn’t run after his son. He didn’t try to negotiate with his son or guilt him into returning. He didn’t broadcast the issue to others or get friends and family to take sides. He simply waited. But while he waited, he watched diligently.
“But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.” Micah 7:7
The father watched so that when the day came, even when his son was far off, he spotted him and ran to him. He was ready to welcome him home. He didn’t recite the list of hurts. He didn’t try to reinforce just how wrong the wrongs were. He didn’t make his son grovel. He threw his arms around him and welcomed him home. All was forgiven before the son even spoke.
So what can we do if our son or daughter has cut us off?
Be willing to wait.
Waiting with willingness sits differently than waiting because you have no other choice. Willingness surrenders to God’s plan and timeline. Unwillingness is impatient, restless, and self-focused.
God’s timing is unlike our own. Trust Him. He knew, before the foundation of the world, who would choose to follow Him. He knew exactly how this would play out. He knew there would be a time of silence and separation. You can be confident He will manage this situation for your good and His glory. Trust Him in the waiting.
Be watchful.
Micah 7:7 says, “I watch in hope for the LORD”. That word, ‘hope’, is the Hebrew word, sapa, and it means, “to lean forward, to peer into the distance; by implication, to observe, await.” 1 We know God can do more than we could ask or think, yet that waiting often discourages us so that we begin to question God’s plan, His goodness, His care for us and what weighs us down. Don’t. Don’t waver. Don’t stray. Lean in and watch what He will do. Rest in His goodness and take comfort in knowing He loves our son or daughter more than we could imagine. He wants restoration and ultimately, that is why Jesus died on the cross, to restore shalom and bring everything into oneness with Him, under His authority, and restore what sin broke. It may take days, or it may take years, but God will accomplish His purposes. We can’t see what’s going on across miles, through lives, and in the other dimensions of the story, but we can trust He is working. Lean in and watch for the evidence. Be cautious not to be so consumed with your own grief that you miss the work the Father is doing.
Pray.
Ephesians 6:18, “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord's people.”
Did you see that? Pray on all occasions. Pray all kinds of prayers. Be alert (watchful) and, again, pray. As you pray for your son or daughter, don’t stop. Pray over every aspect of their life, their heart and mind, pray for the people they interact with and for those God would use to impact their life. Pray God would place obstacles in their life that would prevent them from straying further. Pray He would re-direct them back to an authentic relationship with Him, based on Scripture, not feelings. Pray that He would restore the relationship that is broken and bring life back to the communication that is now silent.
You may not be able to speak into the situation with your son or daughter, but you have the power and authority to speak to the Almighty God who has authority over every principality, power, and realm. He is the ultimate Determiner of when and how this will resolve and it is never out of His control. You have the permission to go directly to Him at any time and in any way. Use that to plead with Him on behalf of your son or daughter.
Search your heart.
Is there something, anything that God needs to bring to light? Is there anything that needs confessing? Be careful to be fully transparent to the Lord and allow the Holy Spirit to reveal anything that might stand in the way of reconciliation. Though you may not see it, perhaps there is something the Lord needs to reveal in your own heart and life. Be willing to see it, confess it, and refuse to allow pride to take root. Don’t let the enemy have a foothold.
Don’t stop.
1 Thessalonians 5:17, “Pray continually.” or as the KJV says, “Pray without ceasing.” God is working even when we can’t see it. He is orchestrating events and people that will impact your son or daughter in eternal ways. Trust Him. Continue praying. Wait patiently for Him and be watching. He is not finished.
“Heavenly Father, You hold all authority. There is no person, no situation, no heart, and no attitude that can stand against You. I pray for (name) right now that You would bring conviction over their choice to go silent towards me. I pray that You would break their stubbornness, tear down the walls that they put up, remove the people who are speaking lies and deception and bring a godly repentance and sorrow. Open (name)’s eyes to see the loss they’ve chosen by cutting off their family. Grieve their heart to want reconciliation. Stir in them a desire to connect and be restored. Help my heart, Lord. I am hurt and anxious. I want my (son/daughter) back in my life. But I know, too, Lord, that You are working, Help my impatience to not get in the way of Your plan. Help me to wait and watch. Don’t let me miss a blessing in seeing You work or in my haste, interfere in what You are trying to accomplish in (name) and in me. Lord, I trust You. I know Your ways are higher, better, and stronger than mine. Lord, do what You would to bring (name) back into fellowship with You and with our family. I pray all of this in Jesus’ mighty name, amen.”
Pray without ceasing.
Are you praying for a prodigal? Don’t lose heart. God sees and He hears. Keep laying your burdens in prayer at the feet of Jesus. Trust Him, He is working. You may not see it, but He works in dimensions that are beyond our comprehension. Pray for those friends and associates that interact with your beloved prodigal, that God would use them to bring them to full surrender to Jesus as Lord.
40 Days of Prayer for the Prodigal is a powerful book for anyone deeply in prayer for the heart of their loved one. The book addresses the battle for the heart, mind, and soul of the prodigal through praying Scripture boldly and consistently with faith that God will bring repentance and restoration. Pray the words of Scripture in powerful and effective ways to plead with God about the condition and situation of your beloved prodigal and watch God work!
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H6822 - ṣāp̄â - Strong's Hebrew Lexicon (NASB95). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/h6822/nasb95/wlc/0-1/