Praying for Godly Relationships
When I was growing up, my parents used to tell me and my sisters two gems of wisdom as we approached dating. The first was, every date is a potential mate. The second was a hard and fast rule…no ‘missionary dating’. My parents knew that it was important to be intentional about the relationships we cultivated, not only friendships, but those dating relationships that could lead to marriage.
We were brought up to guard our heart, to use wisdom and spiritual discernment to make wise decisions about into whom we would choose to invest our time, our efforts, and our hearts. is that young man a man after God’s own heart? Is he fully committed to following Jesus or does he just know the right words to say? Scripture tells us that marriage should be between believers, no ‘unequal yokes’.
What does that even mean? An unequal yoke? Think back to pre-industrial revolution farming- the days when farmers would use horses or oxen to pull their plows. It was important that the two animals be equal in size and strength, otherwise they wouldn’t work together. If you paired a Clydesdale and a Shetland, you would have disaster on so many levels. Nothing would be plowed, the farmer would be exhausted trying to wrangle two animals that could not, would not work together and, ultimately, people would go hungry because nothing would be planted or harvested. But if you put two Clydesdales together, man-o-man would you be getting things done! They pull together well, their temperaments are suited to the hard work, and they take joy in doing what they’re created to do.
God used the same analogy in 2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” When we step into dating or marriage relationships with others who do not have a personal relationship with God, it never goes well. Believers have the foundation of Jesus Christ, they rely on the Truth of Scripture, they are indwelled by the Holy Spirit. Someone who is not a believer is coming from a totally different perspective, value-system, and attitude of worship. What do they worship? If not Jesus, it is self-worship and idolatry. How then, can a marriage relationship work well? It cannot be God-honoring if one of the partners doesn’t choose to honor God with their life, their choices, their worship.
As parents, we need to pray for our sons and daughters, that they would wisely choose a husband or wife that is a growing believer, surrendered to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. We need to pray that our sons know the qualities of a noble woman and they use spiritual discernment to pursue someone who exhibits those qualities. It’s not enough that they ‘know’ Jesus.. Even the demons know Jesus. No, that potential mate needs to be in a committed relationship with Jesus Christ so that He is the One for whom they live and from whom they seek wisdom and guidance. Jesus needs to be preeminent in their life. And that other person should be seeking someone who lives and believes the same…if our son or daughter isn’t living that way, it’s unlikely they will find a spouse who is.
“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.”
Proverbs 31:20
As believing parents, we must pray that our sons find an excellent wife, not just a pretty face. That word ‘excellent’ is the Hebrew word “hayil” and it means virtue, uprightness, and integrity (1). Proverbs 31 is a whole chapter dedicated to the description of such a woman. But take a look at the Book of Ruth. It is the account of a woman who lived out ‘hayil’ in so many ways. Both her future husband, Boaz and the entire village of Bethlehem noted her character and godly attitudes, using that same word to describe her (Ruth 3;11, Ruth 4:11).
Who will be a Godly wife to our sons? Let it be a woman of integrity, clothed in strength and dignity, one who opens her mouth with wisdom and kindness is on her tongue. Pray that the woman our son chooses is a woman who fears the Lord. (Proverbs 31:25-26,30)
We should pray, too, for our daughters, that they seek a man after God’s own heart.
When God chose a King for Israel, He instructed Samuel to anoint David, the youngest son of Jesse, the shepherd boy. Samuel looked at all of Jesse’s sons, the older, stronger, more valiant, more ‘worthy’, yet it was the shepherd that God chose.
“But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.””
1 Samuel 16:7
Who will shepherd our daughter’s heart? Let it be a man after God’s own heart. Pray that the man our daughter marries is one who would love her like Christ loves the church- sacrificially, selflessly, protectively and in a way that honors God above all (Ephesians 5:25).
Despite the fact that they’re adults, we can still shepherd our sons and daughters through prayer and as they navigate relationships, they need our prayers more than ever! It’s important that we ask the Lord to give our sons and daughters the spiritual discernment to look on the heart of another and recognize whether that person truly loves Jesus or if they only pretend for the sake of the relationship. Authenticity and a heart of worship towards Jesus cannot be feigned. There will be fruit, is it fresh or is it rotten? Pray that they can set aside their own desires, look beyond their own agenda, and pray for God’s will and direction.
Let’s activate some purposeful, diligent prayer, asking God to bring the spouse of His choosing to our sons and daughters with whom they would be better together. Pray for a marriage in which they would spur one another on to serve God and bring Him glory. Marriage is a covenant, not meant to be broken, and designed to reflect Christ and the church. Intentional prayer, asking God to design and effect this for our sons and daughters is a responsibility and privilege of believing parents. Let us pursue that prayer today!
“Oh, Heavenly Father, You are a good Father. You love us and gave your Son so that we might have life, and not just life, but abundant, eternal, joyful life in Your Presence! Lord, I know You desire that every marriage relationship would be a reflection of Christ and the church- a covenant that cannot be broken and is marked by sacrifice for the other. You desire to see a love that is demonstrated in patience, kindness, and humility, and genuine care for the other person, with attitudes of graciousness like Christ. Lord, I pray for (name) right now that You would lead them to a God-honoring relationship and marriage with the one You choose for them, in Your time. Help (name) not to be anxious or impatient but to trust You and Your timing. Help them to wait with hope that You are working everything for their good and Your glory. I pray for (name)’s future spouse. Grow them into the (man/woman) of God that You desire them to be. Bring other believers alongside them to disciple them, mentor them, encourage them and provide accountability for them. Lord, I pray that my son would be a man after Your own heart. I pray that my daughter would be a woman of excellent character, noble and worthy, fearing the Lord. Let their walk with Jesus be evident to others so that those attracted to them, would be attracted to their heart for the Lord. I pray Your hand of protection over them. Keep them from being distracted by charm- it’s deceitful. Keep them from being lured by beauty that is only skin deep. I pray that my son/daughter would be so committed to and in love with Jesus that they would have keen discernment to choose a spouse who believes the same and has a heart for God. Lord, I know that You are orchestrating their life, help them to be surrendered to Your leadership and Your timing. I pray that when they do marry, it would be a God-honoring event and relationship that would reflect Christ and the church in significant ways. Lord, use each of us to bring glory to Your name, in Jesus’ name I pray, amen.”
Pray without ceasing.
H2428 - ḥayil - Strong's Hebrew Lexicon (esv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/h2428/esv/wlc/0-1/
Are you praying for a prodigal? Don’t lose heart. God sees and He hears. Keep laying your burdens in prayer at the feet of Jesus. Trust Him, He is working. You may not see it, but He works in dimensions that are beyond our comprehension. Pray for those friends and associates that interact with your beloved prodigal, that God would use them to bring them to full surrender to Jesus as Lord.
40 Days of Prayer for the Prodigal is a powerful book for anyone deeply in prayer for the heart of their loved one. The book addresses the battle for the heart, mind, and soul of the prodigal through praying Scripture boldly and consistently with faith that God will bring repentance and restoration. Pray the words of Scripture in powerful and effective ways to plead with God about the condition and situation of your beloved prodigal and watch God work!
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Praying for a Godly Spouse
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:10-12
As our sons and daughters grow into adulthood, our ability to impact their choices begins to diminish. We hope and pray that the things we taught them about God, about Scripture, about living a life that pleases the Lord, are deeply rooted. But we no longer have the ability to steer them away from influences that may be negative or unproductive and we have little say in the friends they choose, especially if they’re living at a distance. Parenting adult children is challenging.
When it comes to finding a spouse, there are challenges there, too. Though we hope our son or daughter would choose to make their decision based on our discernment and approval, by the time the relationship reaches that point, our beloved child may have already made up their mind… our input is just a formality. That’s hard to take, isn’t it?
But we’re not powerless! Not at all. We can make a huge impact on their life choices by talking to the Father and asking for His guidance, His intervention, and His protection. We can ask the He would give our son or daughter His best- better than we could choose or imagine!
So, how do we pray? Many of us likely began praying when our children were just little ones, praying that God would be preparing a godly husband or wife for them. Here’s the thing, don’t stop. Don’t stop praying like that. God will bring the right person at the right time, or make it clear He has a plan that asks our son or daughter to remain single. We need to be okay with that. We need to pray that our children would be okay with whatever God asks of them, too. Because isn’t that the best?
Here are some prayer points we can pray for both future husbands and future wives, and for our sons and daughters, all tied to Scripture.
Pray that they would be like Christ and that He would mold them and shape their heart and mind to be like Him. (Philippians 2:5; Ephesians 4:14-15)
Ask the Lord to make their words (and heart) authentic, not just filled with knowledge, but seasoned with grace (I Corinthians 13:1; Colossians 4:6)
Pray they would exhibit patience and kindness (1 Corinthians 13:4)
they would not be jealous or envious, but truly want the best for others and would celebrate when they have success or honor (1 Corinthians 13:4; Romans 12:15)
Ask God to help them value others before themselves (Philippians 2:3)
Pray that they would have a precise and correct knowledge of Scripture that would enable them to love others well (not to be puffed up with knowledge) and that they would be discerning in the teaching they listen to and the leaders they follow. (Philippians 1:9)
Pray that they would hide God’s word in their heart to keep them from sin (Psalm 119:11)
And pray that God’s word would be a lamp to their feet and a light to their path (Psalm 119:105)
Pray God’s protection over them, so they would keep their way pure by living according to God’s word (Psalm 119:9)
Ask the Lord to keep them legalism and that He would help them truly understand God’s grace and the freedom He gives to trust Jesus alone for salvation (Ephesians 2:8; 2 Timothy 1:9).
Pray that they would not lean into the world’s standards or be pressured to compromise to be accepted, but that they would stand for God’s truth, unwaveringly. (Hebrews 10:23)
Ultimately, pray that God would cultivate two people who, together, would have a godly marriage that would reflect Christ and the Church, surrender and obedience, love and protection, selflessness and sacrifice no matter the circumstances, because their hope is in Jesus and not in the other person to whom they are married.
There are so many things we can pray to this end; this is just the start. Add to the list as you pray and let the Holy Spirit guide your words and your petitions. The words of Scripture are always powerful and effective, it is the most you can do. Let’s God’s word do the speaking for you.
And pray for both the ‘unknown’ future spouse and for your son or daughter, that God would prepare their hearts and cultivate in them the qualities that are important for a God-centered relationship to be developed in His time and His way.
If your son or daughter is already married, pray that God would grow them in these areas. Pray that He would build a strong, God-honoring marriage that would be a testimony of His grace and redemption.
Why not write out a prayer, and then, when the time is right, share it with the one for whom you’ve been praying. What a precious gift that could be for the ‘other’, knowing that they’ve been prayed for and seeing the Scripture that’s been spoken over them, even before they were known to you.
Pray without ceasing!