A Season of Saying Farewell

This week we’re going back to a post from 2019. As parents get ready to send their kids off to school- whether it be to Kindergarten for the first time or university and the first steps of adulting, those changes are hard. They signal a new stage of parenting and a heart-adjustment that takes longer than the initial ‘goodbye’. Take some time to read and pray. And trust that long before you ever knew that little one would be placed in your arms, your home, and your heart, God knew them. He has and has a plan for their life. Trust Him. He’s ever present, always faithful, and the One you can trust without fail.

It’s hard being a parent, isn’t it? Parenting is all-consuming. Every. Waking. Moment. But as your children grow and mature, their needs change, they become more independent and before you know it, that day arrives when they get ready to leave. They head off to college, get married, or take that job in the exciting new place. And there you are….a parent without someone to parent.

Today’s devotion and prayer are written with a lot of my friends in mind, and if I’m honest, it’s written for me. Many of us are struggling with emotions right now…trying to hang tough and look like we’re excited on the outside, but melting and choking back tears on the inside. We don’t want to be THAT Mom who clings too tightly to her child, not wanting or afraid to let go. We want to be ecstatic that they are pursuing their dreams and grabbing hold of the amazing opportunities God’s brought to them; but we grieve.

We have reached that bridge where we cross from parenting a child to parenting an adult. It’s a re-defining of our role. It’s a new, uncharted ocean and we’re adrift, far from any familiar landmarks. It’s feeling loss and grief and wondering who we are now….and whether we’ll figure it out any time soon. And will there be peace again…and joy?

Farewells are hard, not just because you’re saying goodbye, and not because you’re letting go, but because of the unknown. You’re releasing your beloved son or daughter to something and somewhere that is beyond your control, your protection, and your reach.

When I would talk with my kids about their future and where they would settle, I wanted them to know that I was excited for them to go wherever God would choose to take them, whether 10 miles away, or 10,000. We had conversations about exotic places and exciting jobs and ministries. Was I being truthful in my excitement? Yes, absolutely. I would joke that the only stipulation was they must have a place for me to stay when I visit. Some parents might think I was nuts. Honestly, my own mother would have been appalled. She struggled when I moved 8 miles away.

Truth be told, I was excited to think that my kids would venture out into places that were beyond our borders, because if they did, it would mean God was drawing them to do a work that was beyond what we might have asked or imagined for them. Some people may think I’m crazy, but there is no better place to be than where God leads and if you resist and fuss at your children following after God, you become a stumbling block and, dare I say, tool of the Enemy (Ouch). We cannot protect them by holding them back. That won’t keep them safe or shield them from pain. But it will breed discontent, frustration, and bitterness between them and you. The more tightly you cling, the more they will resist and pull away.

When I first wrote this post, my kids were in college (with one still in high school). Life has changed, once again. Now, they’re all graduated and in different locations. God’s tested that willingness in my heart in leading our son to be a military doctor. He won’t just go far away, he’ll likely, at some point, be in the midst of danger. When our son explained how field hospitals are set up, he shared that they are at interval distances from the front with the closest being within 5km of the front line…and then he shared, “that’s where I want to be.” My heart cries out, “Jesus, protect my son!” Yet, I know, if that’s where God wants him, there is no safer place for my son to be. God’s will is perfect and protective. God knows the number of our days and no one can shorten that, no enemy can thwart it, no threat can overcome. Who do I trust? God or man? I choose to trust and rest in the Lord. Do I worry? Of course, but I don’t let it take over and I don’t allow it to become an idol- that which consumes my time, attention, and affection.

Mom and Dad, we need to step back, let our children fly, and in turn, anchor ourselves in Christ, trusting Him for their safe keeping. We need to pray for their growth and a deepening faith, and for our own as well.

Still struggling? Read Psalm 139:7-10, this is good stuff.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

There is nowhere your son or daughter can go that is outside of God’s protection, care and control. Across the ocean? He’s there. In a closed country? He’s there. In a war zone, He’s there too. God’s hand will always guide them and will always hold them fast. What we need to do is pray that our children consistently reach out to Him and cling to His hand and we need to do the same, modeling that complete trust in the One who loves us.

Mom and Dad, it’s time to set them free and watch them fly. Your heart will go to places you never imagined and your God will sustain you with the peace you need to re-define your role as a parent….you may even discover you become a friend and confidante of your once little one, unimaginable in the teenage years, now refreshing and fulfilling.

“Lord, today I ask that your Spirit would watch over every step that (name) takes. Lead (name) wherever you choose, and help me to have your peace and to trust You to take care of (name). Being in your care is far safer and better than any protection I could ever offer and your watchfulness and provision better than anything I could ever provide. Lord, please guide (name) and hold them fast. Above all, I pray that (name) would look to you for help, hope, and protection. Please help (name) to realize and there is nowhere they could run from you and trust there is nowhere you cannot protect and guide them. I ask that (name) would seek to follow after you all the days of their life, even if called to the ends of the earth. In Jesus name, Amen.”