The Deception of Self-Help
“…I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.” Ephesians 4:1
Podcasts, self-help books, and successful speakers seem to be what this generation consumes on a regular basis. They’re thirsty for solid advice from those who can speak from a position of experience and success. When they see what these individuals have achieved, see their ‘supposed’ contentment and joy, see all that they have and enjoy, why wouldn’t they be charmed?
This isn’t new. In 1989, a powerful self-help book took the world by storm. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People became a talking point among professionals and friends. Both the secular and Christian world seemed to embrace the sage advice and people were hungry to learn more. It shifted the thinking and doing of so many people from the ‘personal’ focus to the ‘character’ focus and, though it included some good advice, it missed the Scriptural foundation that should be the mark of a believer’s life. Yet many were swayed by the chapters and took to reading and following with the fervor that should have been reserved for their quiet time with the Lord. Instead of Bible time, it became self-help time.
Our sons and daughters have grown up with the self-help world surrounding them and speaking into their growth, goals, and processes. Why is it that we’re drawn to speakers, books, and podcasts that give us lists of things to do in order to be successful, get healthy, lose weight, or, you name the accomplishment. Theses systems and people promise success and prosperity and we take the bait. We’re eager to hear what we should do to be like ‘that’ person. We want the list to follow that will bring the results. I think it speaks to our human need to do something effective, to work toward bettering ourselves and being successful, to be able to point to our efforts as the reason for our progress and success.
And the Christian world is not immune. We like the polished presentation that promises the good God has for us and we fall into traps of the ‘prosperity gospel’. We can easily become entangled in the trap of works-based religion. When we can check off an item on a list, we feel accomplished and effective. If we’re discouraged, we can go back to our list and remind ourselves of how far we’ve come and what we’ve accomplished. It becomes a Pharisaical habit that puts Jesus on the back burner. We risk becoming obsessed with ‘steps’ or personal accomplishments and lose sight of what Jesus calls us to do and be. We substitute our efforts for the sacrificial atonement of Jesus on the cross.
We need to pray that our sons and daughters would be protected from the trap of self-help and promises of prosperity and instead that they would focus on and practice the Truth of Scripture to make them more like Christ.
Here are some prayer points:
Pray that our sons and daughters would ask themselves, “What am I pursuing?” “What is it that I want my life to represent?” Then, pray that they would have the mindset of Jesus Christ. Jesus wasn’t out to promote himself to gain accolades or wealth, He was focused on serving others to point them to God.
“In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.” Philippians 2:5-7
2. Pray they would live a life that demonstrates worship of Christ, not conformity to the ways of this world.
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:1-2
3. Pray they would prioritize and pursue what has eternal value.
“For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?” (ESV) Mark 8:36
“So that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.” Colossians 1:10-12
4. Pray that they would live, not for success and accomplishment, but live in such a way that others would see Jesus in them daily, in their actions, attitudes, and values.
“Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh.” Romans 13:14
We are not meant to be comfortable in this life, that’s something that the influencers of this world don’t understand. Philippians 1:29, “For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him,”
Jesus didn’t save us to ensure we lived our best life now and enjoy our reward here on this earth…no, our best life is yet to come and our reward is in heaven, with Him. If we spend our lives trying to pursue success, wealth, and influence, yet neglect to share the gospel in effective ways we are missing our purpose here on this earth and not respecting or honoring the sacrifice Christ made for our redemption.
Instead of self-help, let’s plead for more of the Holy Spirit in us, in our children, transforming each of us. Instead of success, let’s pursue godliness. Instead of fame, let’s make Jesus’ name known among the nations. When we stand before the throne, our habits will be judged, let’s ensure they’re Spirit-led and God-honoring. Let’s pray that our sons and daughters are not deceived by the trappings of this world but are convicted by and committed to living according to the Truth of Scripture, not the habits of men.
“Oh, Lord, there are so many distractions and promises of success that this world throws at us. Please give (name) clear discernment to recognize what is the shallow deception of the enemy. Convict them to daily search Your Word for Truth and to be salt and light in this world to point others to Christ. I pray (name) would pursue You, not their own desires. Lord, help them to make much of Jesus, not of themselves. Develop Godly habits in them so that everything they choose to do and say would reflect Jesus to others. Lord, our time is short, this world is temporary. Please cultivate a right spirit in (name) so that when they stand before You their life would be a beautiful testimony to the redemption of Jesus, not an empty list of worthless actions and selfish pursuits. Lord, may Your name be glorified in them. I pray this in Jesus’ name, amen.”
Pray without ceasing. God is working!
Prodigal Prayer
Do you see your loved one pursuing the deception that says “I can make my own choices, I can be whatever I want to be, I can succeed on my own power”? The prodigal path is one full of lies, deceptions, and, ultimately, a life without Christ.
Don’t lose heart. Keep laying your burdens in prayer at the feet of Jesus. Trust Him and know that He’s working. You may not see it, but He works in dimensions that are beyond our comprehension. Pray for those who will interact with your beloved prodigal, that God would use them to bring them to the cross. Greater is He that is in us than he that is in this world, 1 John 4:4.
40 Days of Prayer for the Prodigal
is a powerful book for anyone
crying out to the Lord
for the heart of their loved one.
This book addresses the battle for the heart, mind, and soul of the prodigal
through praying Scripture boldly and consistently with faith
that God will bring repentance and restoration.
The reader will prepare their heart with their own surrender to God
and then they will speak and pray the words of Scripture
back to God in effective and powerful ways,
praying specifically over the condition and situation of their beloved prodigal. Transformation can begin in the life of the prodigal
and in the reader’s own heart as well.
Grab your copy today! Read and share!
Battling Destructive Thoughts and Words
“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18
Imagine an old brick house covered in ivy. It looks beautiful and mysterious. The ivy creeps over the walls and the house takes on a different personality as the ivy spreads. But the ivy plant has root tendrils on the vines that penetrate into the surface of whatever it climbs on. Those roots attach the vine to the brick and mortar and begin to draw out the moisture. The vines spread and the leaves cover the walls and windows, blocking out the light. The vines will work their way under siding, in through windows and eventually, the ivy will damage the brick and destroy the mortar, compromising the integrity of the structure. Though it looks ‘pretty’ it becomes a silent enemy that will eventually destroy a house.
The power of words
Words can be similar to that ivy. They may seem innocent at first, just a surface thing that doesn’t do harm. But they can penetrate and cause damage, blocking out the light of Truth and drawing away the Living Water. Words can become dark thoughts that linger and penetrate into the heart and mind and cause destruction.
Our sons and daughters struggle with the battle against destructive words, even if they won’t admit it, because we know we do too…even if we won’t admit it. If asked to remember the kindest thing someone ever said to us, we might take a few moments to recall. But if asked to share the hardest or most hurtful thing, we can almost immediately call it to mind. Harsh words stick like glue.
This world is hard and the messaging that is being thrown at our sons and daughters is brutal. Standards they should attain to, but that are nearly impossible to meet; negative messaging that tears down their self-worth; comparisons that daily steal their joy - it all accumulates and festers. It creates a narrative that becomes their daily soundtrack. Sometimes we recognize the struggle in our children, other times they hide it well, but we know the negative words and messages are bombarding them and making an impact.
As believing parents, we have a responsibility to keep speaking truth into their lives, not just when they need it, but all the time. Will we wait and just ‘admire the proverbial ivy’ while it slowly and steadily destroys them, or will we begin to speak truth in ways that could transform their hearts and minds? Will we begin to tear down the destructive “ivy” of negative words and dark thoughts that would penetrate and destroy? We need to ensure that the messages they are hearing are Godly and right and will impact them for good. We cannot risk them struggling with dark thoughts that become deeply rooted and cause cracks in their spiritual foundation.
We can and should speak truth in love and point them to the power of the cross and the resurrection, not just when we see them struggling, but at every opportunity. There is power in the name of Jesus and the gospel is for everyone, everyday, not just on the day of salvation.
The best way to preserve a house from the damage of creeping ivy is to remove it- all of it. It’s not welcome. It’s destructive. And so it is with the words we choose to listen to, the values we choose to embrace, the practices we choose to engage in. If they are not Godly and we allow them to cling to us and take root, they will begin to change our stability and alter our spiritual integrity and obscure the light of God from our life.
So how do we best combat dark, destructive thoughts?
Scripture says “Take every thought captive” that comes from 2 Corinthians 10:5 “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
Demolish arguments.
What is it that you are listening to? What is trying to define you? What arguments are speaking into your worth and value? Evaluate their truth and pull down those lies from the pit that are trying to root themselves into your heart and mind. Don’t allow them to take hold and do damage.
The arguments are what the Greek calls “logismos” and it means a speculation or imagination (1). Do you see? There is little basis in truth, if any. It’s a guess, it’s an idea, it’s nothing that would hold up in court because there is little to no evidence to support it. Demolish it.
2. Demolish pretensions.
Pretentions are those ‘lofty thoughts’. The Greek word is ‘hypsoma’ and it means an elevated place or thing, or a barrier (2). What are the imagined barriers or those obstacles that situations or people put up in front of us? What are those things that exalt themselves over the truth of Scripture? Are they godly? Are they worthy? Are they deserving of our time, energy, and emotions? If not, knock them down. Detour around them. Break through them. Don’t invest in them because when you do, you’re redirecting your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual resources to something that is not of Godly.
3. Demolish every thing that sets itself up against the knowledge of God.
John 1:1-5 “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”
Evaluate the thoughts and feelings against the truth of John 1:1-5. Where do they originate? Do they honor and exalt God? Are they thoughts and feelings God would give you? Do they speak life and light or are they representing darkness, confusion, and oppression? Rebuke any thoughts that do not represent Christ - they are of the enemy and should not have a place in your life. Do not give the enemy a foothold. Tear them down and focus on what is good, just, pure, and lovely (Phil 4:8). If something is set against God, it is not promoting or sustaining the fruit of the Spirit- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control (Gal. 5:22-23). The fruit of the Spirit is a great standard by which to gauge the godliness of thoughts, feelings, words, and actions.
4. Take every thought captive and bring it into obedience.
The Greek word here is aichmalōtizō and it means to conquer, bring under control, or to master (3). We have the ability to ‘pump the brakes’ and stop our wrong thinking. We have the capacity to arrest the wild thoughts, bring an end to the oppressive, accusatory dialogue and to, instead, set our minds on things that glorify the Lord. Is it easy? No. Is it possible? Absolutely!
5. Finally, choose to make our thoughts obedient to that which pleases God.
We must choose to do what the Greek calls hypakoē, which means attentive listening, compliance or submission (4). We must choose to bring our thoughts and feelings into compliance to God’s will, not leave them to the mercy of the arguments and pretensions that set themselves up against God and against His image-bearer.
Colossians 3:1-3 is the confirmation we need.
“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.” Set your hearts. Make the choice. Be intentional.
The enemy wants us to live in the darkness of death. He deceives us into thinking that we are condemned and we have no hope. He lures us into lingering in the shadows- but our Savior walks through the shadows with us and it’s because of His light we can see the dangers and be confident of His protection! He prepares a table before us in the presence of our enemies, Psalm 23. We can rejoice and celebrate because Christ has won! We are redeemed! The enemy holds no power over us unless we allow it, and why would we?
Demolish it. Take it captive. Bring every thought into obedience.
These are the steps to overcome negative, dark, depressive thinking. These are the steps to a victorious mindset. We must choose where we will allow our thoughts to reside. We must choose what we will speak into the lives of others. It is important and urgent that we choose wisely and encourage our sons and daughters with the same.
Commit to pray
“Father, God, You see the struggles I have with my own thoughts and feelings. I know You see (name), too. You understand their struggles, their fears, their doubts and self-doubt. You see the enemy trying to leech living water and spiritual nutrition from them as he entwines his dark thoughts and casts his shadow of worthlessness and doubt. I rebuke this in Jesus name! I pray that You would help (name) to take every thought captive. As soon as those negative, questioning, dark thoughts begin to linger, I pray that they would capture them, rebuke them, and shift their thinking to what is right and true. Speak into them, Lord, their worth as a child of God, chosen and dearly loved. Strengthen them through Your Holy Spirit to demolish the arguments that would set themselves up against Your Word, Your Character, Your Truth. I pray that they would daily, moment by moment, bring every thought into obedience to You and Your will so they can live in victory. I pray that You would bring to mind Scripture that would encourage them. Help them to evaluate what they hear and choose to believe against Philippians 4:8 “...whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart].” (AMP) Lord, You are able to transform their mind and I pray You would do that, even today. Let the words of their mouth and the meditation of their heart be pleasing to You, Psalm 19:14. I pray this in Jesus name, amen.”
Pray without ceasing
If you don’t have a personal relationship with Jesus and you would like to know more, keep reading! Scripture says we’ve all sinned and come short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Though we live ‘rightly’, do good, give of our time and resources, it’s not enough. Our sin is too great for us to atone for. But Jesus, the Son of God, came in human form to live among us and to be a sacrifice for our sin- for the sin of the world. He lived a sinless life and died on our behalf so that we could be reconciled to God. In our sin, we cannot stand before a righteous and just God- we have no good in us. All of our ‘righteousness’ is just like filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6). But God demonstrated His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). Jesus became the sacrifice for our sin on our behalf. He paid the price for our sin once, for all. When we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, God looks on us and sees Jesus. We are made holy and just. We are acceptable to God because of Jesus’ sacrifice. When we choose to follow Jesus, we make Him the focal point of our life, we pattern our life after Him and we live to serve and please Him. He promises everlasting life in His presence and an inheritance unlike any other. “If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you are saved.” Romans 10:9 This is not religion, it’s not a set of rules or a checklist of things you must accomplish, it’s a personal relationship with the One True God, the Almighty, Creator of the Universe and lover of our souls. Would you choose to follow Jesus today? Pray this prayer,
“Lord, I know that I’m a sinner. I’ve done many things wrong, thought things that were impure, said things that were hurtful. Lord, I’m undeserving. But I believe Jesus died for my sin. I believe He rose again from the dead, conquering sin and death and that He lives eternally. I confess my sin and ask for Your forgiveness. I want Jesus to be Lord of my life. I ask Jesus, that You would be my Lord and Savior. Forgive me. Cleanse me. Make me new and give me life beyond the grave. Thank you for forgiveness and for the hope of heaven. In Jesus’s name, amen.”
If you prayed this prayer, reach out! I would be so happy to give you some resources and some encouragement! Knowing Jesus truly is life-changing!
G3053 - logismos - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g3053/niv/mgnt/0-1/
G5313 - hypsōma - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g5313/niv/mgnt/0-1/
G163 - aichmalōtizō - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g163/niv/mgnt/0-1/
G5218 - hypakoē - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g5218/niv/mgnt/0-1/