Identity Crisis…Who are You?
What is your identity? What defines you? It’s a question that many of us ponder and one that young people today wrestle with in so many ways.
When someone asks, “Who are you?” It's a question of identity, value, purpose, and belonging. We should not typically answer that with “I’m a teacher” or “I’m an engineer” because those answers tell what we do, but not who we are. But far too often, we may find ourselves identifying ourselves by what we do and finding our identity and value in that. It’s an easy trap and one the enemy likes to weave for us. We begin to align our value by our productivity and by how useful we are to others. Yet, that’s not how God values us.
“You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:6-8
What this world teaches us about our value is so warped and our sons and daughters (and we) too often fall into the trap of defining ourselves and our value by what we do and produce. But God doesn’t love us because of what we can do for Him. He didn’t choose us because we had something of value He could use. He didn’t redeem us because we showed promise or would be a great addition to the “team”. None of us was the strongest player, most engaging speaker, most diligent student or highest producer. We were wretched, ungodly, lost sinners. And while we were still sinners, filthy in our faults, our failures, our poverty of character, He chose us, died for us, and set us apart for His own.
Our value is not in what we do, it is in who we are and Whose we are.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself.” 2 Corinthians 5:17-18a
It’s easy to get caught up in our jobs, our ministry, our hobbies, and begin to make that our identity, especially if we’re good at it and hear words of affirmation telling us so. We begin to align our worth with our production, our position, our vocation or career goals and accomplishments. But God is not interested in a performative relationship where we excel and He loves us for it. No, He loves us because we are made in His image. We did nothing to earn this love. Yet we benefit from it in so many ways.
1 John 4:10, “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.”
A job loss, a market shift, a debilitating illness or accident can happen suddenly and those things which we believed gave us value suddenly disappear and if we’re not careful, our estimation of our value shifts or diminishes.
What we thought gave us value and purpose is no longer present and we risk spiraling into defeat, lack of purpose, and feeling worthless. God never intended us to find our value and purpose in what we do, but to find our value and purpose in Him and express that through what we do, demonstrating to others the joy of the Lord and the purpose and value He gives us when we walk faithfully with Him.
“We serve God whether people honor us or despise us, whether they slander us or praise us.” 2 Corinthians 6:8a (NLT)
When we find our identity in Christ we have a secure (Psalm 16:5), unchangeable (Hebrews 13:8), and perfect identity as His child (1 John 5:1), His beloved (Colossians 3:12), the one in whom He delights and rejoices over with singing (Zephaniah 3:17). THAT is a powerful identity!
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33
When we seek His kingdom first, we are setting our priorities according to God’s will and focusing on things of eternal value, not things that are temporary, flawed, and unpredictable. We begin to understand who we are and what our purpose is. This world WILL pass away, yet we are created to be eternal and our home is with Him in His kingdom.
“This, then, is how you should pray: “ ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” Matthew 6:9-10
Today, let’s pray for our sons and daughters, first that they would seek God’s kingdom before anything else. Next, pray that they would understand their identity in light of Jesus' love, sacrifice, and purpose for them. Pray they would have an eternal mindset and not get distracted by status, wealth, and things of this world. Ask God to bind the enemy and keep him from interfering or distracting them from understanding who they are in Christ and the purpose He has for them.
“Our Father in Heaven, Your name is holy. I pray that Your kingdom would come so that both earth and heaven would be set at one again under Your authority and reign- a shalom of Your creation as you intended. Lord, I pray that (name) would desire that most of all- to see You reign and every knee bow and tongue confess that Jesus is Lord. If that is not our heart’s desire, change our hearts. I pray that (name) would always seek Your kingdom first. Help them to know and understand they are Your child, You love them and have a purpose for them. This world is not their home, nor is it where they should find their purpose and value. But, Father, when that is what we’re surrounded by and all that we know, it’s difficult to not fall into the habits and traps of valuing ourselves and finding our identity in what this world says is important and purposeful. Father, I pray that You would interrupt (name)’s thoughts today. Shift their heart desires to You. Turn their eyes away from worthless things. Give them a deep understanding of their value and purpose in Christ. Define their identity according to Your will and Your Word. Remind them that this world is temporary and give them a longing to be in Your presence and to worship and serve You alone. Lord, work in all of our hearts and make us more like Christ, in Jesus’ name I pray, amen.”
Pray without ceasing.
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God’s Children Rebelled, Too
God knows and understands what it’s like to have children who rebel. He had rebellious children, too.
Isaiah 1:2 “Hear, O Heavens! Listen, O Earth! For the LORD has spoken: “I reared children and brought them up, but they have rebelled against me,”
God kept His promise to Abraham to make him, his offspring Israel, into a great nation.
Genesis 12:2 “And I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great and you will be a blessing.”
Yet, in their greatness, they turned from God. It was a pattern- He would bless, they would praise, then they would become distracted, prideful and selfish. They would lose sight of God. He would chastise, they would return and for a while, be faithful, then it would cycle once again.
The Israelites knew what God expected of them. They understood His commands. Each day they would make sacrifices, but it simply became an act of going through the motions- a show of obedience when there was no willingness to worship Him. Their heart was not in it.
That’s why God told them “Stop bringing meaningless offerings!” Isaiah 1:13
As parents, our greatest prayer is that our sons and daughters would commit their heart and life to Christ. And our hearts are burdened when our sons and daughters don’t choose to follow Jesus and make Him Lord of their life. We were diligent to bring them up in the knowledge of the Lord. We took them to church, encouraged them to attend youth group, maybe Awana, Young Life, or Youth for Christ. But at some point, our children must make the decision for themselves. Who will they live for? Who will they serve? Being raised by believing parents is no guarantee that the children will choose to follow Jesus in faith. And when they choose a different path, our hearts are broken. Where did we go wrong? What should we have said, done, changed? Often we struggle with questions, doubts, and regret. But we need to remember, each one must choose for themselves. Though we parent adult children differently, we still pray as if they were our beloved little ones. And isn’t that how God looks at us? His little ones?
Joshua put the decision before the Israelites to state clearly who they would choose to serve:
“But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve,” Joshua 24:15a
Too often we (and I do mean all of us) get prideful and rebellious. We don’t want to be told what to do. We want to make our own decisions, be the captain of our own ship. The dialogue in our mind says, “You’re not the boss of me!” We reach a level of knowledge and experience that boosts our ego and our pride. And Satan loves it. He leads us on, feeds us thoughts and feelings that bolster our independent spirit. He lures us with the illusion of freedom from oppression when in reality, He is slowly binding us with the chains of slavery to sin. But we don’t see it.
Israel knew how to keep up appearances. They knew the language, the routines, the rituals, and the expectations. They could go through the motions. But God saw their heart and called them out on their lack of sincerity.
“But concerning Israel he says, “All day long I have held out my hands to a disobedient and obstinate people.”” Romans 10:21, Isaiah 65:2
Kids raised in church also know how to play the part. They know the words to say and the actions that demonstrate belief. But the heart is where the real truth resides. They see the truth of their own heart condition and it’s their decision as to where its affections will be directed.
Parenting adult children is challenging. Young people reach the age of knowing everything, right? They know better than their parents because they understand the trends, have the latest information, and are not ‘antiquated’ in their thinking. They're smart, switched on and progressive... they’re also deceived, prideful, and lost. They are easily entangled and led astray because of pride and foolishness.
We need to pray that God would call out our sons and daughters on their sincerity of heart toward Him. We cannot be their Holy Spirit. In fact, the more we address it, the greater the risk they will pull away and stop talking to us. We need to be thoughtful in our words, our timing, and our intention. We can’t change their heart- only God can. In our angst and urgency, we need to surrender our own expectations and timeline to the Lord- a living sacrifice to His will and His way. It’s better. It’s perfect. It’s sufficient. We need to trust Him.
No sin is too great and no distance too far. Nothing is too hard for Him. He can soften the hardest heart, unstop the deafest ears, and move the immoveable. Not us. God and God alone.
Here’s the thing, Israel’s rebellion meant the gospel came to the Gentiles. Think about that. God extended His mercy and grace to those who were not His children and He adopted us into His family and called us His children. He’s given us an inheritance. He put His Holy Spirit into us and marked us as His own, never to be snatched out of His hand. We are included in Abraham’s promise!!
God wastes nothing. There is a much bigger plan at play here. Although it is about your son or daughter, there are so many facets of the situation and individuals who are unknowingly part of God’s plan. Perhaps there is another who will come to Christ because of the current rebellion of your son or daughter. Maybe God will use this rebellion to soften more than just the heart of your loved one. Maybe, just maybe, God will use this season of rebellion to prepare your son or daughter for a powerful ministry that reaches many for Christ. Pray. It is what you can do and no one can stop you.
God understands the rebellious heart and He made a way to reconcile that heart to His own. Don’t spend all your time fussing and worrying about the ‘what if’ or the sin that entangles. You know it’s there. God knows it’s there. He can undo it. Pray:
That God would soften their heart
“For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12
That God would bring believers into your son or daughters life who would speak truth into them
“And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.” 1 Thessalonians 5:14
That their eyes would be opened and their ears unstopped
“I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you,” Ephesians 1:18a
For conviction of sin
“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” 2 Corinthians 7:10
That God would stir a longing for fellowship with Him- that they would hunger and thirst for righteousness
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” Matthew 5:6
That they would not resist the Holy Spirit
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.” Ezekiel 36:36-37
God loves our sons and daughters even more than we do and He desires a relationship with them. He wants to be their Father, their Lord, their Savior and their Friend. He wants to give peace, joy, and fulfillment. He wants to remove their heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh, one that is soft and pliable to His ways and desires to worship and serve Him.
Only He can do that.
Today, pray through the scriptures above. Ask God to work in their heart and bring them to salvation in Jesus. Trust Him that He will work according to His will, in His time, and in His mighty power. Praise Him for what He will do!
Perhaps in reading this, you’ve realized that you need Jesus? Scripture says we’ve all sinned and fall short of the glory of God- even the kindest, most generous person cannot make themselves worthy of God and heaven (Romans 3:23) But God made a way! He gave Jesus to be the perfect, sinless sacrifice, once for all- we don’t need to keep sacrificing, Jesus paid it all! His death on the cross satisfied the wrath of God towards our sin. (Romans 6:10).
If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. (Romans 10:9) God tells us that, “All are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. (Romans 3:24-25) It is for everyone- there is no sin too great that God will not forgive.
All you need to do is confess and believe. Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.”” Romans 10:11
Simply pray this prayer: “Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner- from things I’ve thought, said, and done that are wrong. But I believe you died on the cross for my sin, paying the price so that I don’t have to. I believe you were buried and you rose again on the third day. I believe you sit in heaven at the right hand of God, advocating for me. And I believe when God looks on me, He sees You and Your blood that covers my sin. Please forgive me and be my Lord and Savior. Help me to live for You. I pray that the Holy Spirit would work in me to teach me, guide me, and protect me from spiritual attack. I look forward to standing in Your presence one day, redeemed, your beloved child. Thank you for forgiveness, for hope, and for life beyond the grave. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
If you prayed that prayer, send me a message! I would love to encourage you and pray for you!
Are you looking for a great Christmas gift? Consider 40 Days of Prayer for the Prodigal. This is a 40 day journey of prayer through Scripture and journaling that guides the reader in praying God’s word over the prodigal heart. Available on Amazon
I’m praying that you all have a blessed Christmas and a wonderful New Year. Thanks for following this year!
Join the PAC is taking a break, but will return in January 2026 with new devotionals and prayers to encourage parents as they pray! Cling tightly, love deeply, and follow Jesus with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.
