Direction or Distraction: Practicing Discernment
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.” Philippians 1:9-11
New opportunities can be exciting! They can mean new locations, experiences, and relationships. The possibilities seem endless and the world is wide open. This could be what we’ve been waiting for…or not. But not every opportunity is one we should take. How do we discern what is the right choice? How do we guide our sons and daughters in the process?
Remember when our kids would come running in, breathless and excited, words tumbling over one another in an effort to tell their news, the exciting opportunity, the new discovery or adventure they just learned of? Maybe it was a ‘business idea’ (my daughter’s lemonade stand, in the middle of January, snow on the street and not a soul in sight) or the chance to go to camp (no, honey, you’re only in first grade, you have to wait a few years). But as our sons and daughters grew and matured, the opportunities also matured and grew, “Mom, I have to tell you about this guy…” “Dad, I’ve been considering signing with the Army…”. “Oh, we wanted to tell you guys, we’re moving….to another state.”
Throughout their lives, our sons and daughters will be presented with opportunities, or relationships, or even goals that would help direct and shape them. But just because it’s presented to them doesn’t mean it’s of God. That’s where discernment comes into play. The first question to ask is whether this is direction or distraction. Is God leading or is the enemy trying to derail us? Just because something is ‘good’ does not mean that God wants us to follow it or embrace it.
Discernment is something God asks us to practice. It helps us understand God’s will, His prompting and leading, and gives us clear direction to go and do or stay and wait. But it’s not something we just ‘grow into’ naturally. Discernment is provided by the Holy Spirit through our fellowship with Him and through our growth in our walk with the Lord. The Holy Spirit will provide clear spiritual discernment, but we need to be listening and willing to respond to His voice and His leading.
Paul says in Philippians 1:9-11 “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.”
Discernment is a product of our love for God that is demonstrated in our pursuit of knowledge of Him and depth of insight into Scripture. The Apostle Paul isn’t just talking about the act of knowing information but the knowledge discussed in Philippians 1:9 is the Greek word ‘epignosis’ which means “precise and correct knowledge”. It is the word used for “things ethical and divine.” (1)
We don’t just pursue knowledge, for the sake of accumulating ‘facts’ and information, but we pursue a relationship with God. Knowing the Lord more deeply, understanding His character, pursuing His heart will enable us to understand His love for us and empower us to imitate Jesus Christ and reflect Him correctly (Philippians 2:5-11).
In addition to proper knowledge, Paul also mentions ‘depth of insight’ or good judgment in verse 9. The Greek word here is aisthesis and it means “perception or discernment.” (2 ) The growth in our knowledge of God brings discernment and that discernment is the ability to “test, examine, prove, scrutinize to see whether a thing is genuine or not.” (3) Isn’t that what we pray our sons and daughters would do when presented with an opportunity or decision? We want them to examine it carefully, not based on ‘feeling’ but on knowledge and insight of what and where God would lead.
It’s all connected. Precise and correct knowledge leads to effective discernment and, in turn, that discernment ensures effective decision making- the ability to know whether an opportunity is a direction or a distraction.
As parents, we must tread carefully as we listen and advise. We don’t have the liberty to tell our adult children what they can and cannot do- they are adults and regardless of how much we want to just say “No!” Or “Wait!” We need to practice discernment as well. If we are too vocal, we risk them backing away or perhaps withholding information to prevent our opinions and interference from swaying them or from guilting them into a decision. We don’t want their decision-making to be based on pleasing us, we want them to discern clearly and decide wisely based on God’s will for their lives. Colossians 1:9 is an excellent verse to pray over our sons and daughters as they make decisions and discern whether an opportunity is direction or distraction.
“For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives,”
Then, we can encourage them with these two steps:
When we are presented with opportunities that seem amazing, we need to pause and pray. Is this of God? How can I tell? How would this create opportunities to use my gifts and talents in ways that bring Him glory? Is there any ‘caution’ that I see in moving forward?
Proverbs 19:2 “It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way.”
2. Next, we should seek wise counsel. Share with spiritual mentors what we believe God is leading us to and to get their insight into whether we are being wise or whether we are only seeing what we want or hope to see.
Proverbs 15:22 “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”
Ask if they’ve spoken to their pastor or a spiritual mentor. Pray with them. Pray for them. Ask the Lord to clearly show whether the opportunity is a direction or a distraction. And understand that our son or daughter may need to hear from someone besides us. Pray for that person. There is mighty power in prayer. It’s not the least you can do, it’s the best you can do.
As parents, we need to have honest conversations with the Lord. Ask Him to put up barriers if the opportunity is a distraction. Ask Him to reveal those things that are of concern and are not of Him. Pray that He makes it evident for all to see, especially our son or daughter. But if this is God’s direction, ask Him to affirm it. Pray that He would make it clear this is the path to follow. And pray that He helps our heart embrace His leading too, because sometimes He asks our sons and daughters to go places and do things that are far away and hard. Sometimes He leads them to decisions that are not our favored outcome. Take heart, obeying God is always better, even if the direction is not what we would have chosen.
Discernment doesn’t mean inaction. It doesn’t mean resistance. It means active pursuit of God’s will, understanding His heart, His leading, and His direction. The more you spend time with Him, the better you understand and hear His voice.
Let’s pray for discernment for our sons and daughters so they can clearly see His direction and avoid the distractions that would pull them away from following Him.
“Father, You are a good Father. You love and care for us in ways we often can’t see or fully understand. You are working all things for our good and Your glory. I pray for (name) today. As they face decisions and make choices on so many things: relationships, direction for their career or life, locations to live, work, and worship, I pray that You would give them discernment. Grow them in their knowledge of You. Give them depth of understanding of Scripture. Help them to bear fruit that would give evidence of a strong relationship with You. All of these are necessary for Godly discernment. Lord, make them pause if they are leaning on emotions or ‘feelings’. Affirm when they are moving in the right direction. I pray that You would bring other believers around them to speak truth into them, encourage them, and yes, also caution them about potential dangers or missteps that would take them away from You. Lord, if (name) does not have a personal relationship with You, I pray that even today Your Holy Spirit would bring conviction and a hunger and thirst for righteousness. Stir in their heart a desire to set aside every idol and to make You Lord of their life. Grow them in wisdom and knowledge so that their discernment would reflect that which glorifies Christ, not themselves. Give them a desire to serve You and to please You. Help me to parent well in this season of adulthood. Help me not be selfish or controlling but to trust You and Your leading. Your ways are better than mine. Give me peace as I pray for (name). In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Pray without ceasing
G1922 - epignōsis - Strong's Greek Lexicon (kjv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g1922/kjv/tr/0-1/
G144 - aisthēsis - Strong's Greek Lexicon (kjv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g144/kjv/tr/0-1/
G1381 - dokimazō - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g1381/niv/mgnt/0-1/
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God is Faithful to Restore Us and Lead Us
“He refreshes [restores] my soul.” Psalm 23:3
(spiritual renewal)
Restoration is hard work. It is the effort to bring something back to its original condition when time, decay, and circumstances affect its beauty, its purpose, and its value. Any shadow of what it once was or was intended to be has long since faded. The beauty is covered in dirt, mold, and decay, the edges are rough, once-strong supports are rotted, the luster is dulled. But an expert still sees the value and knows what it could be, if restored. Restoration requires someone who is skilled and has vision and an understanding of what something once was or was intended to be in order to restore it to its original state.
Jesus is our Restorer. He created us, so He knows us intimately and He knows exactly who and what He intended us to be. He is able to revive, refresh, and restore our spiritual selves to the “shalom” He intended us to enjoy in the garden, where everything was in a right relationship to Him. Isaiah 60:1 says about Jesus, “The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,”
We can pray Psalm 51:2, “Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” Jesus is able; He can do it!
“Jesus, You are the Restorer of all things. You promise that You will restore us and make us new. 2 Corinthians 5:17-20 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come; The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.” I pray that You would begin a work of restoration and reconciliation in (name) today.”
“Lord, strip away the rotten things that would cause decay in (name)’s life. Replace the battered and worn parts with new. Refresh their outlook and restore their heart to be aligned with Yours. Work in them to stir a desire to be made new with a heart like Jesus. Remind them that, “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” Ephesians 4:22-24. Show them clearly that You love them and You desire that they would be brought into fellowship with You, welcomed into Your house and home for eternity. Give (name) a heart for restoration so they would not only embrace the gospel and receive a new heart but that they would share the life-giving gospel with others so they, too, could be restored. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
“He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.”
(direction, purpose)
When God restores us, it’s not for our benefit alone, although we do reap great benefits from the renewal of our heart, mind, and spirit. But it is for His glory that He redeems us! He gives us direction and purpose.
Ephesians 1:11-12 tells us, “In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of His glory.”
He has a plan and purpose for each of us Philippians 2:13, “for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose.” The phrase, “For His name’s sake” indicates that we are to live in such a way that we maintain his name and reputation (1). If we fail to do that we take His name in vain- calling ourselves Christians but living like we are not. “‘You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain, for the LORD will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.” Deut. 5:11 (NKJV) Our actions, choices and attitudes have bearing on the name we carry.
“Holy Father, Your name is Sacred. You ARE the Great I AM. There is no other like You and Your supremacy is unequaled. I pray that You would give (name) a godly fear and respect of You. Lead (name) in paths of righteousness so that as they bear Your name, they would be righteous (not self-righteous), blameless (not deceiving others or themselves) and authentic in their faith and their convictions. Lord, give (name) perspective that every blessing is from You and for the purpose of serving You and bringing You glory. Strengthen them in their faith, their conviction, and their passion to follow You in the right paths You set before them, in Jesus’ name, amen.”
Pray without ceasing.
H4616 - maʿan - Strong's Hebrew Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/h4616/niv/wlc/0-1/