Direction or Distraction: Practicing Discernment
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.” Philippians 1:9-11
New opportunities can be exciting! They can mean new locations, experiences, and relationships. The possibilities seem endless and the world is wide open. This could be what we’ve been waiting for…or not. But not every opportunity is one we should take. How do we discern what is the right choice? How do we guide our sons and daughters in the process?
Remember when our kids would come running in, breathless and excited, words tumbling over one another in an effort to tell their news, the exciting opportunity, the new discovery or adventure they just learned of? Maybe it was a ‘business idea’ (my daughter’s lemonade stand, in the middle of January, snow on the street and not a soul in sight) or the chance to go to camp (no, honey, you’re only in first grade, you have to wait a few years). But as our sons and daughters grew and matured, the opportunities also matured and grew, “Mom, I have to tell you about this guy…” “Dad, I’ve been considering signing with the Army…”. “Oh, we wanted to tell you guys, we’re moving….to another state.”
Throughout their lives, our sons and daughters will be presented with opportunities, or relationships, or even goals that would help direct and shape them. But just because it’s presented to them doesn’t mean it’s of God. That’s where discernment comes into play. The first question to ask is whether this is direction or distraction. Is God leading or is the enemy trying to derail us? Just because something is ‘good’ does not mean that God wants us to follow it or embrace it.
Discernment is something God asks us to practice. It helps us understand God’s will, His prompting and leading, and gives us clear direction to go and do or stay and wait. But it’s not something we just ‘grow into’ naturally. Discernment is provided by the Holy Spirit through our fellowship with Him and through our growth in our walk with the Lord. The Holy Spirit will provide clear spiritual discernment, but we need to be listening and willing to respond to His voice and His leading.
Paul says in Philippians 1:9-11 “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.”
Discernment is a product of our love for God that is demonstrated in our pursuit of knowledge of Him and depth of insight into Scripture. The Apostle Paul isn’t just talking about the act of knowing information but the knowledge discussed in Philippians 1:9 is the Greek word ‘epignosis’ which means “precise and correct knowledge”. It is the word used for “things ethical and divine.” (1)
We don’t just pursue knowledge, for the sake of accumulating ‘facts’ and information, but we pursue a relationship with God. Knowing the Lord more deeply, understanding His character, pursuing His heart will enable us to understand His love for us and empower us to imitate Jesus Christ and reflect Him correctly (Philippians 2:5-11).
In addition to proper knowledge, Paul also mentions ‘depth of insight’ or good judgment in verse 9. The Greek word here is aisthesis and it means “perception or discernment.” (2 ) The growth in our knowledge of God brings discernment and that discernment is the ability to “test, examine, prove, scrutinize to see whether a thing is genuine or not.” (3) Isn’t that what we pray our sons and daughters would do when presented with an opportunity or decision? We want them to examine it carefully, not based on ‘feeling’ but on knowledge and insight of what and where God would lead.
It’s all connected. Precise and correct knowledge leads to effective discernment and, in turn, that discernment ensures effective decision making- the ability to know whether an opportunity is a direction or a distraction.
As parents, we must tread carefully as we listen and advise. We don’t have the liberty to tell our adult children what they can and cannot do- they are adults and regardless of how much we want to just say “No!” Or “Wait!” We need to practice discernment as well. If we are too vocal, we risk them backing away or perhaps withholding information to prevent our opinions and interference from swaying them or from guilting them into a decision. We don’t want their decision-making to be based on pleasing us, we want them to discern clearly and decide wisely based on God’s will for their lives. Colossians 1:9 is an excellent verse to pray over our sons and daughters as they make decisions and discern whether an opportunity is direction or distraction.
“For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives,”
Then, we can encourage them with these two steps:
When we are presented with opportunities that seem amazing, we need to pause and pray. Is this of God? How can I tell? How would this create opportunities to use my gifts and talents in ways that bring Him glory? Is there any ‘caution’ that I see in moving forward?
Proverbs 19:2 “It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way.”
2. Next, we should seek wise counsel. Share with spiritual mentors what we believe God is leading us to and to get their insight into whether we are being wise or whether we are only seeing what we want or hope to see.
Proverbs 15:22 “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”
Ask if they’ve spoken to their pastor or a spiritual mentor. Pray with them. Pray for them. Ask the Lord to clearly show whether the opportunity is a direction or a distraction. And understand that our son or daughter may need to hear from someone besides us. Pray for that person. There is mighty power in prayer. It’s not the least you can do, it’s the best you can do.
As parents, we need to have honest conversations with the Lord. Ask Him to put up barriers if the opportunity is a distraction. Ask Him to reveal those things that are of concern and are not of Him. Pray that He makes it evident for all to see, especially our son or daughter. But if this is God’s direction, ask Him to affirm it. Pray that He would make it clear this is the path to follow. And pray that He helps our heart embrace His leading too, because sometimes He asks our sons and daughters to go places and do things that are far away and hard. Sometimes He leads them to decisions that are not our favored outcome. Take heart, obeying God is always better, even if the direction is not what we would have chosen.
Discernment doesn’t mean inaction. It doesn’t mean resistance. It means active pursuit of God’s will, understanding His heart, His leading, and His direction. The more you spend time with Him, the better you understand and hear His voice.
Let’s pray for discernment for our sons and daughters so they can clearly see His direction and avoid the distractions that would pull them away from following Him.
“Father, You are a good Father. You love and care for us in ways we often can’t see or fully understand. You are working all things for our good and Your glory. I pray for (name) today. As they face decisions and make choices on so many things: relationships, direction for their career or life, locations to live, work, and worship, I pray that You would give them discernment. Grow them in their knowledge of You. Give them depth of understanding of Scripture. Help them to bear fruit that would give evidence of a strong relationship with You. All of these are necessary for Godly discernment. Lord, make them pause if they are leaning on emotions or ‘feelings’. Affirm when they are moving in the right direction. I pray that You would bring other believers around them to speak truth into them, encourage them, and yes, also caution them about potential dangers or missteps that would take them away from You. Lord, if (name) does not have a personal relationship with You, I pray that even today Your Holy Spirit would bring conviction and a hunger and thirst for righteousness. Stir in their heart a desire to set aside every idol and to make You Lord of their life. Grow them in wisdom and knowledge so that their discernment would reflect that which glorifies Christ, not themselves. Give them a desire to serve You and to please You. Help me to parent well in this season of adulthood. Help me not be selfish or controlling but to trust You and Your leading. Your ways are better than mine. Give me peace as I pray for (name). In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Pray without ceasing
G1922 - epignōsis - Strong's Greek Lexicon (kjv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g1922/kjv/tr/0-1/
G144 - aisthēsis - Strong's Greek Lexicon (kjv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g144/kjv/tr/0-1/
G1381 - dokimazō - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g1381/niv/mgnt/0-1/
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How Should We Pray?
“My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments.” Colossians 2:2-4
The way we pray matters. What we pray matters. The apostle Paul understood that and wrote encouragement to the Colossians so they would stay focused on what would protect and grow their faith.
When we pray for our sons and daughters, we pray for their health and well-being. We pray for safety and provision. But how often do we pray for their growth and discernment? Do we pray for the protection of their mind and for a deepening of their knowledge and understanding? Those are things we cannot see, but which have significant impact on the spiritual health of the believer.
Scripture tells us that the mind is the deceiver's biggest battleground. If Satan can capture our thoughts, the rest will follow.
“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12
Satan hates that we have redemption and eternal life in Jesus Christ. He hates our Savior. He hates light. He hates truth. He wants to lure believers to dwell in darkness and in ignorance of Who Christ is, what He has done and in misunderstanding of truth. Do you see how he twists things? What is good is deemed evil and what is evil is celebrated (isaiah 5:20).
So how can we pray more effectively for our sons and daughters? How can we begin to fight for their spiritual protection and growth? We can start by gaining a better understanding of Scripture and then praying those very words on their behalf. Scripture is powerful and effective and it can accomplish more than our minds can comprehend.
Let’s look at what Paul is praying for the Colossians.
He prays they would be encouraged in heart:
Paul knew the value of being in fellowship with other believers. The Greek word for ‘encouraged’ is parakaleo and it means to come alongside another, to comfort, exhort, pray for another (1). The Holy Spirit is called the ‘paraklete’ and is our supporter and comforter (John 14:26). And so believers have that role for one another- to build each other up and provide encouragement. Pray for fellowship with other believers.
He instructs them that true encouragement must be united, or knit together in love- agape.
The term ‘knit together’ is the Greek word symbibazo and it means to “to join together, unite or knit together in affection”(2). When we truly care for one another we want the best for each other. It’s hard to find deep connections with someone for whom you don’t get along or with whom you have nothing in common. But believers have faith in Christ in common- God has made us brothers and sisters in Christ! We are family and we are driven together by the love of God. That connection sustains and encourages us as we continue our walk of faith. Pray for authentic love among believers.
He longs for them to have full riches of complete understanding:
It’s important that we pray that our sons and daughters have assurance that their faith in Christ is the Way, the Truth and the Life and confidence that there is no other belief system, path, or alternate ‘wisdom’ that can bring redemption and eternal life.
The Greek word plerophoria is the word used for understanding and it means “full assurance and the most certain confidence (3). Let’s pray that our sons and daughters have confidence in their understanding of Scripture and in their faith and conviction that Jesus is Lord.
Paul stresses that the Colossians would know Christ- the Source of all wisdom and knowledge.
We don’t want our sons and daughters to just know about Christ, we want them to KNOW Him. We want them to experience Him in their life. We want them to pursue a personal relationship with Him so that they will comprehend the riches of wisdom and knowledge that are found in Him. We don’t want them to just have knowledge. Even Satan has knowledge, but he is doomed. Even demons believe and shudder at the Truth of Jesus. No, we want our sons and daughters to have true knowledge. There is a difference in the original language. Knowledge is the word gnosis and it means intelligence and understanding(4). But true knowledge is the word epignosis and it means precise and correct knowledge(5). It means one is believing and understanding what is proven to be true, correct, and in line with evidence. It is knowledge that changes how someone lives.
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ--to the glory and praise of God.” Philippians 1:9-11
Finally, pray for protection against deception.
Pray that our sons and daughters would have deep understanding and knowledge of Scripture and their faithful walk with Christ and fellowship with believers would guard them against deception. There is much out there that sounds good but is founded in lies. There are people who have knowledge of Scripture (gnosis) without the epignosis of faith in Jesus and the teaching and guidance of the Holy Spirit. The messaging that our sons and daughters are encountering daily would try to sway them to compromise their faith, lower their standards, be accepting of sin and open-minded to other ‘pathways’ to God. In the last days the deception will be so strong that, if possible, even the elect would be deceived (Matthew 24:24). Friends, we are there. The presence of the Holy Spirit in their lives and a correct knowledge of Jesus is the protection they need.
The enemy wants our sons and daughters. There is no question about that. We need to pray that they would be strong in their faith, solid in their understanding of Scripture, and rooted in fellowship with other believers. We are in a war- be on guard and use the armor of God to fight against the enemy.
“Father, I pray for (name) today. Build them up in their faith and knowledge of Jesus. Sanctify them by Your truth- Your Word is Truth (John 17:17). Lead them into a vibrant fellowship with other believers that is grounded in correct truth and solid teaching. Lord, they NEED You, though they may not always recognize that. I pray that You would open their eyes and hearts to the full riches of complete understanding. Keep them from sin. Guard them from compromise. Help them to stand steadfast in their faith. Guide them into Your truth and don’t let them walk away from it. Lord, we are in dark days and at some point soon, we may all have to stand boldly in the face of persecution- give us strength and conviction, Lord. Build up the family of believers so that we would encourage one another in love and faithfulness, In Jesus’s name I pray, amen.”
Pray without ceasing.
G3870 - parakaleō - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g3870/niv/mgnt/0-1/
G4822 - symbibazō - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g4822/niv/mgnt/0-1/
G4136 - plērophoria - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g4136/niv/mgnt/0-1/
G1108 - gnōsis - Strong's Greek Lexicon (kjv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g1108/kjv/tr/0-1/
G1922 - epignōsis - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g1922/niv/mgnt/0-1/
Action. Affection. Direction.
Micah 6:8 “He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.”
Micah 6:8 is an oft-quoted verse that is so familiar. It’s on plaques and bumper stickers. It’s emblazoned on t-shirts and mugs. It’s a staple of ‘Christianese’.. And often we look at it, mouth the words and in our hearts say ‘Yes! Yes!’, but it’s likely we miss the real depth of the message. Oh, friends, it’s so much more.
God used the prophet Micah to warn the nation of Israel of pending judgment. But what was Israel doing that was deserving of judgment? Well, they strayed from God, followed false gods and were using their power to oppress others. They didn’t want to listen to God’s word and when Micha prophesied, they told him to stop. Their deeds were evil and their hearts were hard (see Micah ch. 2) Couldn’t that be a commentary on our world today?
But when faced with pending judgment, the Israelites were quick and ready to make sacrifices to show their repentance. But, that’s not what God wanted from them. As Micah’s predecessor, Samuel, told the Israelites earlier, “Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.” (1 Samuel 15:22) God made it clear, through Micah, what He wanted Israel to do…and it didn’t involve sacrifice, rather, it involved submitting their hearts and lives. He said they must: 1. Do justly. 2. Love mercy. 3. Walk humbly. God addressed their actions, affections and direction.
This is big-picture thinking here. When we pray for our sons and daughters, we pray for safety, we ask God for wisdom, we pray for their relationships, we plead for protection from sin and temptation…and the list goes on. But, friends, that is all encompassed by these three things. Action. Affection. Direction.
Why is it that we struggle with these? “Do justly”. It shouldn’t be difficult, yet we hesitate, we don’t want to get involved, we don’t have time. But God loves justice and it’s a quality of His character. If we are to reflect God and bear His image, shouldn’t we be concerned for just treatment of all those who also bear Him image? (hint, that’s all of mankind, friends)
Then, we’re called to love mercy. LOVE mercy. Yet, we often mete out mercy based on who we think deserves it…and if we deem someone undeserving, we withhold mercy. But being merciful is another quality of God that we’re called to reflect. And we are ALL undeserving of His mercy, yet He gives us to us lavishly.
Here’s the thing…too often we fall into the lure of ‘head knowledge’ and we’re quick to show how much we know and perhaps we become ‘puffed up’ with our theological depth. We mistakenly think that knowledge is the ultimate mark of our spirituality and we lack mercy toward those who may not be as ‘learned’ as we. But our lives lack a reflection of the character of God. Oh, knowledge is good and important, but if we value knowledge above all, we are incomplete. There’s a name for that…it’s called being a Pharisee. Matthew 23:23 ““Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former.” You see, the Pharisees had a lot of knowledge, and they were quick to sacrifice….but they lacked an understanding and personal knowledge of the heart and character of God. In all of their knowledge, they didn’t reflect Jesus to others. And they lacked humility.
Finally, we’re called to walk humbly with our God. God calls us to secure our direction and ensure we’re moving with Him, not away from and not sitting idly by the way. Colossians 1:10-11 “walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; being strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy;”
Action. Affection. Direction. It’s what we’re called to. It’s what we must be mindful of and intentional to pursue in the context of our faith in Christ.
Let’s pray today that the Lord works in each of these areas in our sons and daughters so they are moved to be imitators of God’s character and followers of His leading in their lives.
“Lord, I pray today that You would empower (name) to act justly today. May their desire for what is right rule every choice they make. Let them be a defender of the oppressed and a lifter of those who need encouragement and help. Keep them from compromise that would desensitize them to the voice of the Holy Spirit. And Father-God, help them to love mercy. May the affections of their heart and mind always be centered on how you poured your love out to us through Jesus’ death while we were still powerless and drenched in sin (Romans 5:6-8) That that love be what motivates them to be merciful to others and demonstrate Christ in them to all those they meet. Finally, Lord, I pray that they would always, always follow after You. May their direction never waver and their moral compass always be true to Your Word and running the race You’ve set before them. I pray that their actions, affection and direction would always reflect Jesus and be a testimony of your saving grace in their life. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Good Directions
Psalm 119:32 “I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free.”
Proverbs 14:12 “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.”
Psalm 119:32 shows us the freedom that comes with following Christ “I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free.” There is great encouragement in knowing where you need to go and Who is providing the directions. You can move ahead without fear or uncertainty, or, if there is uncertainty, you know He will provide direction at the right time, you just need to wait and trust. You can be confident that you’re on the right road. But the key is, being aware of those commands and following God’s directions. You have to be attentive to God’s word.
When we don’t know the directions or Who to ask, it gets difficult. Asking directions can be a humbling experience, right? Not only are you admitting you’re lost, but you’re surrendering yourself to the mercy and kindness of others to point you in the right direction. And who knows if they even know… and maybe they’re embarrassed or stressed and they don’t want to look like they don’t know...so they tell you ‘something’ but perhaps it’s not even correct. No wonder few people are eager to admit their need for directions.
At some point, the GPS was invented. People jumped at the chance to buy one and forever (hopefully) banish the humbling process of asking for directions altogether. This way they could look like they knew what they were doing...as long as the GPS was working...and as long as it could connect to the satellite. But, if you traveled to another country, that same GPS wouldn’t work well, if at all. It didn’t have the software needed for that country and if you asked for directions, there was likely a language barrier as well.
Direction can be difficult, but God provides us with a perfect GPS for life through His word. When we become Christ-followers, we need to depend on Him for clear direction, because this is, indeed, a foreign land. We are aliens and strangers here. And we must exhibit great caution, because few speak our ‘language’ of the cross. If we depend on guidance from others who are not Christ-followers we can end up confused, on the wrong road, or worse, following a map to nowhere. But here’s the thing, God is always correct. He’s always ‘switched on’, He doesn’t need an update or a software fix. He’s not dependent on a satellite and He is fluent in every language.
“There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.” Can we pray today that our sons and daughters choose the way of the cross and depend on the Lord for their direction and guidance? They can’t afford not to.
“Lord, I pray that (name) would reach out to you, even this morning, asking You to guide and direct their day. I pray that they would be humble to recognize they don’t know everything and wise enough to reach out to You. Keep them from following others who don’t acknowledge You as Lord and Savior. Protect their path and guide their steps. Encourage them to continually look to You and trust You, even when the way seems dark and unclear. You are always trustworthy and always in control. Help them to lean in and let You lead. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Pray without ceasing.