Direction or Distraction: Practicing Discernment
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.” Philippians 1:9-11
New opportunities can be exciting! They can mean new locations, experiences, and relationships. The possibilities seem endless and the world is wide open. This could be what we’ve been waiting for…or not. But not every opportunity is one we should take. How do we discern what is the right choice? How do we guide our sons and daughters in the process?
Remember when our kids would come running in, breathless and excited, words tumbling over one another in an effort to tell their news, the exciting opportunity, the new discovery or adventure they just learned of? Maybe it was a ‘business idea’ (my daughter’s lemonade stand, in the middle of January, snow on the street and not a soul in sight) or the chance to go to camp (no, honey, you’re only in first grade, you have to wait a few years). But as our sons and daughters grew and matured, the opportunities also matured and grew, “Mom, I have to tell you about this guy…” “Dad, I’ve been considering signing with the Army…”. “Oh, we wanted to tell you guys, we’re moving….to another state.”
Throughout their lives, our sons and daughters will be presented with opportunities, or relationships, or even goals that would help direct and shape them. But just because it’s presented to them doesn’t mean it’s of God. That’s where discernment comes into play. The first question to ask is whether this is direction or distraction. Is God leading or is the enemy trying to derail us? Just because something is ‘good’ does not mean that God wants us to follow it or embrace it.
Discernment is something God asks us to practice. It helps us understand God’s will, His prompting and leading, and gives us clear direction to go and do or stay and wait. But it’s not something we just ‘grow into’ naturally. Discernment is provided by the Holy Spirit through our fellowship with Him and through our growth in our walk with the Lord. The Holy Spirit will provide clear spiritual discernment, but we need to be listening and willing to respond to His voice and His leading.
Paul says in Philippians 1:9-11 “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.”
Discernment is a product of our love for God that is demonstrated in our pursuit of knowledge of Him and depth of insight into Scripture. The Apostle Paul isn’t just talking about the act of knowing information but the knowledge discussed in Philippians 1:9 is the Greek word ‘epignosis’ which means “precise and correct knowledge”. It is the word used for “things ethical and divine.” (1)
We don’t just pursue knowledge, for the sake of accumulating ‘facts’ and information, but we pursue a relationship with God. Knowing the Lord more deeply, understanding His character, pursuing His heart will enable us to understand His love for us and empower us to imitate Jesus Christ and reflect Him correctly (Philippians 2:5-11).
In addition to proper knowledge, Paul also mentions ‘depth of insight’ or good judgment in verse 9. The Greek word here is aisthesis and it means “perception or discernment.” (2 ) The growth in our knowledge of God brings discernment and that discernment is the ability to “test, examine, prove, scrutinize to see whether a thing is genuine or not.” (3) Isn’t that what we pray our sons and daughters would do when presented with an opportunity or decision? We want them to examine it carefully, not based on ‘feeling’ but on knowledge and insight of what and where God would lead.
It’s all connected. Precise and correct knowledge leads to effective discernment and, in turn, that discernment ensures effective decision making- the ability to know whether an opportunity is a direction or a distraction.
As parents, we must tread carefully as we listen and advise. We don’t have the liberty to tell our adult children what they can and cannot do- they are adults and regardless of how much we want to just say “No!” Or “Wait!” We need to practice discernment as well. If we are too vocal, we risk them backing away or perhaps withholding information to prevent our opinions and interference from swaying them or from guilting them into a decision. We don’t want their decision-making to be based on pleasing us, we want them to discern clearly and decide wisely based on God’s will for their lives. Colossians 1:9 is an excellent verse to pray over our sons and daughters as they make decisions and discern whether an opportunity is direction or distraction.
“For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives,”
Then, we can encourage them with these two steps:
When we are presented with opportunities that seem amazing, we need to pause and pray. Is this of God? How can I tell? How would this create opportunities to use my gifts and talents in ways that bring Him glory? Is there any ‘caution’ that I see in moving forward?
Proverbs 19:2 “It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way.”
2. Next, we should seek wise counsel. Share with spiritual mentors what we believe God is leading us to and to get their insight into whether we are being wise or whether we are only seeing what we want or hope to see.
Proverbs 15:22 “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”
Ask if they’ve spoken to their pastor or a spiritual mentor. Pray with them. Pray for them. Ask the Lord to clearly show whether the opportunity is a direction or a distraction. And understand that our son or daughter may need to hear from someone besides us. Pray for that person. There is mighty power in prayer. It’s not the least you can do, it’s the best you can do.
As parents, we need to have honest conversations with the Lord. Ask Him to put up barriers if the opportunity is a distraction. Ask Him to reveal those things that are of concern and are not of Him. Pray that He makes it evident for all to see, especially our son or daughter. But if this is God’s direction, ask Him to affirm it. Pray that He would make it clear this is the path to follow. And pray that He helps our heart embrace His leading too, because sometimes He asks our sons and daughters to go places and do things that are far away and hard. Sometimes He leads them to decisions that are not our favored outcome. Take heart, obeying God is always better, even if the direction is not what we would have chosen.
Discernment doesn’t mean inaction. It doesn’t mean resistance. It means active pursuit of God’s will, understanding His heart, His leading, and His direction. The more you spend time with Him, the better you understand and hear His voice.
Let’s pray for discernment for our sons and daughters so they can clearly see His direction and avoid the distractions that would pull them away from following Him.
“Father, You are a good Father. You love and care for us in ways we often can’t see or fully understand. You are working all things for our good and Your glory. I pray for (name) today. As they face decisions and make choices on so many things: relationships, direction for their career or life, locations to live, work, and worship, I pray that You would give them discernment. Grow them in their knowledge of You. Give them depth of understanding of Scripture. Help them to bear fruit that would give evidence of a strong relationship with You. All of these are necessary for Godly discernment. Lord, make them pause if they are leaning on emotions or ‘feelings’. Affirm when they are moving in the right direction. I pray that You would bring other believers around them to speak truth into them, encourage them, and yes, also caution them about potential dangers or missteps that would take them away from You. Lord, if (name) does not have a personal relationship with You, I pray that even today Your Holy Spirit would bring conviction and a hunger and thirst for righteousness. Stir in their heart a desire to set aside every idol and to make You Lord of their life. Grow them in wisdom and knowledge so that their discernment would reflect that which glorifies Christ, not themselves. Give them a desire to serve You and to please You. Help me to parent well in this season of adulthood. Help me not be selfish or controlling but to trust You and Your leading. Your ways are better than mine. Give me peace as I pray for (name). In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Pray without ceasing
G1922 - epignōsis - Strong's Greek Lexicon (kjv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g1922/kjv/tr/0-1/
G144 - aisthēsis - Strong's Greek Lexicon (kjv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g144/kjv/tr/0-1/
G1381 - dokimazō - Strong's Greek Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g1381/niv/mgnt/0-1/
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How to Pray When Our Sons and Daughters Reach a Crossroads, Part 2
This is what the Lord says:“Stand at the crossroads and look (see); ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. But you said, ‘We will not walk in it.’
We began part one of “How to Pray When Our Sons and Daughters Reach a Crossroads” by looking at the words “Stand” and “Look” to really understand what God was calling the Israelites (and us) to do when faced with a decision of life, direction and conviction. They were not to wander, to sit or to linger but God said, “Stand” which in Hebrew meant to set firmly, take a stand, be still and endure (1). But they were not only to stand, they were to stand and “looK”. While they stood firm and endured, they were to see, perceive, consider and discern (2). They were to actively do the looking, they were to look for something specific and God would be (should be) the One prompting them to take the action of looking, no one or nothing else should be their motivation. But then what?
Well, as we might say, “Don’t just stand there!” God says, “ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is”. The word “ask” is the word “saal” in Hebrew and it means “ to inquire; by implication, to request; by extension, to demand.” (3) To saal is to ask with purpose and even a sense of urgency. It’s not a casual inquiry, but an intentional seeking of answers and information. Can you see the importance here? God is telling us we need to stand with purpose, look and then ask with urgency for the ancient paths. It’s important. It’s vital.
So, what are the ancient paths? Are we supposed to look for antiquated ways of doing things? No, not at all. That word “ancient” is the word “olam” and it means “enduring, perpetual, time out of mind, both past and future.”(4) God is telling us to look for the eternal ways, HIS ways, which are often concealed and hard to see, especially by those who do not walk with the Lord. But if we walk with the Lord, He will reveal them to us (remember, the word “look” has a causative nature… which means something or someone prompts us to do the looking… in this case, it’s God, calling us and causing us to look for and understand His ways.
Daniel 2:20-22 ““Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever; wisdom and power are his. He changes times and seasons; he deposes kings and raises up others. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in darkness and light dwells with him.”
God wants us to look for and pursue His ways (derek), not just any way. The word “derek” means way, but it also means “direction,habit, course of life and moral character.” (5) The ‘way’ God wants us to walk encompasses all of us (our being) and our direction. It is the way that isn’t seen with physical eyes but discerned with spiritual insight granted by God.
But here’s the thing, He doesn’t want us to just identify it by looking, He calls us to walk in it. When God calls us to walk (yalak), He calls us to “walk (literally or figuratively); to carry; bear, bring, depart, follow, grow, prosper, pursue, cause to run.”(5) Isn’t that such a picture of our Christian walk with the Lord?! We are to walk, follow, grow, prosper and pursue Him. We are to bring our burdens, bear our cross and depart the life of sin to walk in obedience to Him. All of that wrapped up in the simple, but not so simple word ‘yalak’ or walk.
1 John 1:7 “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.”
2 Peter 3:18 “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be glory both now and forever! Amen.”
God promises us that if we do these things we “will find rest for our souls”. Oh, friend, isn’t that what we long for? Rest for our souls. A spiritual rest, a relief from the oppression of sin, a balm for the pain and heartache of this life. Rest. “Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him.” Psalm 62:1
But the warning stands from Proverbs 21:16 “Whoever strays from the path of prudence comes to rest in the company of the dead.” It matters which path you choose and that choice determines where you will find your rest and in whose company you will be.
Jeremiah 6:16 doesn’t stop there, though. There is a final statement in the verse that is jarring. God told all of these things to the Israelites. But their response was, “We will not walk in it.” Think about that. God showed them. He called them. He gave them clear direction and a promise of rest. Yet they rejected it. They rejected Him. They made a willful decision to turn from God. How they were blinded!!
Proverbs 14:12 “There is a way which seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death.”
As our sons and daughters are at the crossroads, there is so much to bring to the Lord. Oh, there is promise of great things, direction, protection, growth, rest…but there is great danger as well and we can’t ignore that. The enemy wants nothing more than to blind this next generation so they cannot see and so they will not follow. He does not want them to find rest for their souls. We need to be on our knees daily asking God to intervene and protect, to open eyes and guide steps. Let’s do that now…and pray without ceasing.
“Father, You are good and what You do is good (Ps 119:68). You show us right paths and call us to walk in them. You desire good for us and Your word says “The desire of the righteous ends only in good, but the hope of the wicked only in wrath. (Pr. 11:23) I pray that (name) would pursue righteousness so that their desires would be good and wholesome and that their heart would long after You. Lord, help (name) to pursue Biblical knowledge that will guide their steps so they won’t be a living example of Proverbs 19:2 “Desire without knowledge is not good - how much more will hasty feet miss the way!” Lord, help them not to have hasty feet, but let them stand at the crossroads and be resolute in their conviction to follow You. Let them have clear, right spiritual discretion so they will be able to spot evil and avoid it. Let them not be deceived by the enemy or led astray by things and people who are ungodly.”
“Lord, God, I pray that You would open (name)’s eyes and show them Your path. Enable them to see the eternal way that leads to life and rest. Give them strength to walk in it. Motivate (name) to consistently ask where the good way is and pursue it with all of their heart, soul, mind, and strength. I pray that (name) would walk with You unwaveringly. Father, protect (name)’s steps. Guard (name)’s heart. Keep (name)’s eyes always seeing clearly with correct spiritual discernment and never, never let them refuse to walk in the way You set before them. Lord, help them to be faithful and eager to follow You. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Pray without ceasing.
H5975 - ʿāmaḏ - Strong's Hebrew Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/h5975/niv/wlc/0-1/
H7200 - rā'â - Strong's Hebrew Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/h7200/niv/wlc/0-1/
H7592 - šā'al - Strong's Hebrew Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/h7592/niv/wlc/0-1/
H5956 - ʿālam - Strong's Hebrew Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/h5956/niv/wlc/0-1/
H1870 - dereḵ - Strong's Hebrew Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/h1870/niv/wlc/0-1/
H3212 - yālaḵ - Strong's Hebrew Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/h3212/niv/wlc/0-1/
How to Pray When Our Sons and Daughters Reach a Crossroads, part 1
“This is what the Lord says: “Stand at the crossroads and look (see); ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. But you said, ‘We will not walk in it.”” Jeremiah 6:16
Crossroads. They’re fraught with uncertainty, difficulty and, sometimes, painful choices. Crossroads challenge us and stretch us. They demand that we evaluate our values, our goals and dreams and decide what is important and what is non-negotiable. Sometimes we don’t realize just how much hangs in the balance…and sometimes we do.
When we imagine someone at a crossroads, whether literally or figuratively, we think of someone who has reached a point of decision (or indecision), direction (or indirection) and they’re living in a ‘pause’ of sorts. We might see them as unsure, confused or even overwhelmed. A decision must be made, a direction chosen, but the individual might appear ‘stuck’, paralyzed, or even rudderless.
As parents, when we see our sons and daughters reaching a crossroads, we might get nervous or heavy-hearted, hoping and praying they make the right decision. But what God says in Jeremiah should make us reevaluate a crossroads. ‘Stand at the crossroads’ doesn’t imply uncertainty or confusion- a stopping and standing because we’re befuddled.
The crossroads is a decision point, a choice of direction and intention, yes. But when God says “stand” at the crossroads, He’s not calling us to simply stop and wait. No, that word “stand” is the Hebrew word “amad” which means “take a stand, present oneself, hold your ground, arise, endure and stand firm.” (1) There is nothing uncertain about it. It is being sure of your convictions and what you will not compromise Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”. Standing is the opposite of wavering.
Here’s the thing, when our sons and daughters reach a crossroads, is not the time to begin praying they stand strong in their convictions. That’s something for which we need to have already been praying. We should daily be asking the Lord to help them be unwavering in their pursuit of Christ so when they do reach a crossroads, there is no question about Who they will follow or what road they will choose.
But just in case we needed more encouragement, the Lord says, “Stand and LOOK”. The word look (also ‘see’) is the word ‘raa’ in Hebrew. It means to perceive, to have vision, to perceive and take heed (2). Let’s get a little “grammarly” here… the word “look” is a verb that, according to Strong’s Concordance, is transitive, intransitive and causative. But what does that even mean and why is it important?
Transitive means the word takes action on something. So when we’re told to “look”, it means to “look and see the way”. God wants us to direct our attention to the ancient ways, what God instructed the generations before to do and follow and to know and understand we should do the same.
Intransitive means there is no object, it’s directly happening. In this case, the believer is looking. You look. You see.
“Causative verbs are used when one person or thing is a stimulus that enables or causes someone or something else to carry out the main action in a sentence.” (3) The causative nature of the word “look” means that we’re being directed by God to do something. He’s calling us and enabling us to look and see- it suggests more than just vision with the eyes, but with the mind and heart.
Isn’t that profound?! One word, three uses! The action itself, the object toward which the action is directed and the cause of the action- who or what has prompted it. Isn’t it amazing that God can use one word to tell us so many things?!
So, friends, when we pray for our sons and daughters as they reach a crossroads, we first must pray that they are confident in their convictions and unwavering in their faith so that they will STAND. Then, we need to pray that they will LOOK- taking action to open their eyes, to see what is before them, that they will look for the ancient paths- the way God wants them to go that they would direct their gaze to the way that leads to life and godliness. Then, that they will look and understand and deeply perceive where God is leading and what steps He wants them to take, not just next steps, but life choices and direction of the heart and mind. Pray for the correct action, the correct object of focus and the correct understanding and discretion.
We’ll follow up on the next aspects of Jeremiah 6:16 later this week, but for now, let’s pray for our sons and daughters that they will Stand and Look in the ways that God desires.
“Father, so often we’re presented with crossroads in our lives, those moments when we’re faced with decisions and directions and it’s difficult and confusing to know what to do and which way to go. I want to pray for (name) right now. Lord, I pray that (name) would stand when they reach a crossroads. Let them be decisive in what they believe and why. Help them to be unwavering in their faith and their convictions. Help them to consider every choice in light of their relationship with You so that they would hold their ground and be firm in their commitment to Scripture and to You. Lord, I pray that (name) would do their best to present themself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. (2 Timothy 2:15). And while (name) stands at the crossroads, I pray that they would look. Open their eyes to see what it is You would have them do. Help them to look for the way they should go and help them to actively seek your face, Lord. I pray that they would see not only with physical eyes, but with spiritual insight and discretion. Lord, do not allow a crossroads to be a point at which they will diverge from Your will for their life, but they would evaluate the best way, the godly way, the right way and would walk in it. I pray that You would be blessed by their actions and their insight and that their choices would bring You glory. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Pray without ceasing, friends.
H5975 - ʿāmaḏ - Strong's Hebrew Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/h5975/niv/wlc/0-1
H7200 - rā'â - Strong's Hebrew Lexicon (niv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/h7200/niv/wlc/0-1/
Lohman, L. (n.d.). Causative Verbs | Causative Form in English: Overview & Examples. Retrieved from https://study.com/learn/lesson/causative-verbs-form-overview-examples.html