The Importance of Accountability
We’ve all heard the stories of Christian leaders whose lives impacted many and whose words were followed with conviction and enthusiasm. We’ve followed some of them, only later to learn that the individual was entertaining sin, deep, grievous sin that disqualified them from ministry. Sin that was always at the expense of others who trusted them. Sin that was dark, nasty, and contradictory to their message and their persona. And one of the biggest factors involved was accountability…or the lack thereof. A big red flag for someone’s character (or lack thereof) is a resistance to accountability and push back towards those who ask it of them.
No one is so great that they cannot be held accountable. No one has such a powerful ministry that another believer cannot question their actions, words, and choices in an honest and Biblical way. If that happens and the individual is not willing to be transparent, that’s a huge red flag.
But it doesn’t just apply to leaders. We are ALL to be accountable for our lives because it is what keeps us following Christ authentically and helps us avoid the traps of sin and temptation. There is no one who does not need accountability. We are all sinners, saved by grace. And we all struggle with that fleshly temptation to revert back to what we once were. The challenge and the deception is that we think we can control it. Yet, it ends up controlling us. Accountability deters that.
Effective accountability requires several things: humility, community, transparency, and honesty. If someone is resistant to any of those, that is a red flag.
Humility
We are to follow the example of Christ, who humbled himself to whatever the Father willed. It is a willingness to allow your life to be open to others.
“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.” Philippians 2:3-7
We spent a lot of time building up our kids, encouraging them, cultivating leadership and character, but did we emphasize humility? It’s a quality that is valued and needed. It reflects Christ, and it positions the individual to look at themselves, their actions, choices, and words with honesty. Pray for humility.
Accountability requires community. Someone who operates alone answers to a committee of one. Whatever they choose to do is self-approved, self-supported, and self-celebrated. When someone pushes others away, or intimidates those around them into silence, that is not only abuse of position and power, it is arrogance and self-importance. It is a blatant sin. Godly community helps us remain aligned with right practices and respect for God and his expectations for us.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
We didn’t isolate our children as we raised them. We ensured they had good friends, other families who lived and believed as we did to influence them, because we understood the value of the ‘village’. But as children grow into adulthood, they do not always retain the values and practices with which they were raised or see the importance of holding protections in place. .Pray for Godly community that would speak into their lives and influence them with Christ-likeness.
Accountability requires transparency. Paul and Titus wanted to ensure their ministry was God-honoring and gave evidence of that to everyone they encountered. They understood that although they answered to the Lord, their actions and words were seen and evaluated by everyone with whom they came in contact. Their testimony was evidence of their authenticity.
“We are careful to be honorable before the Lord, but we also want everyone else to see that we are honorable.” 2 Corinthians 8:21
Secret sins are those that are devastating. The impact isn’t just on the one who commits the sin, but on everyone who knows and loves them. God was clear about secret sin:
“Cursed is anyone who makes an idol—a thing detestable to the LORD, the work of skilled hands—and sets it up in secret.” Deuteronomy 27:15
“‘Cursed be anyone who strikes down his neighbor in secret.'” Deuteronomy 27:24
“Whoever slanders their neighbor in secret, I will put to silence; whoever has haughty eyes and a proud heart, I will not tolerate.” Psalm 101:5
“The wicked accept bribes in secret to pervert the course of justice.” Proverbs 17:23
Pray that our children would be transparent, not hiding sin and not treasuring it in their heart. “Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him? declares the LORD. Do I not fill heaven and earth? declares the LORD.” Jeremiah 23:24 God sees. God knows. He will reveal it- pray that He does. Pray for our sons and daughters to be transparent.
Finally, accountability requires honesty. It is the character quality that allows us to look at ourselves truly, and see our words and actions through the eyes of God and others and to accept the truth of them. No excuses. No blame-shifting.
The prophet, Nathan, brought this very issue to King David after his sin with Bathsheba and his murder of her husband, Uriah. Nathan used an analogy to show David his fault:
““Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him.” David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, “As surely as the LORD lives, the man who did this must die! He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.” Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man!” “Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the LORD.”” 2 Samuel 12:4-7a, 13a
When we sin and refuse accountability, we not only deceive others into thinking we’re right with God but we deceive ourselves into thinking we’re not walking in darkness. We’re dishonest. Deceit is a tool of Satan. Honesty protects us from falling away.
It is so important that our sons and daughters have accountability with other believers in their walk with the Lord. As children, they were accountable to us, their parents, and we helped shape and guide them. But for most of us, our children are grown, employed, living elsewhere, and our opportunity and ability to speak into their lives is different, less frequent, and without the same impact or authority. It’s likely we are no longer positioned to do that as effectively as others may be.
We need to pray that the Lord would bring accountability partners into the lives of our sons and daughters. People whom they respect and look up to, people who are spiritually mature and who also share accountability with others. Pray that God would show our children the value and importance of being accountable and being open, surrendered, and vulnerable enough to accept their need for accountability.
Accountability is difficult and, sometimes, unpleasant. But it is a safety net to keep us from devastating sin. It is the lens through which God enables us to see ourselves more clearly in order to clean up what is becoming muddied by the world and its influences. It is an assurance, provided by God and aligned with Scripture, to help us maintain a blameless walk with the Lord and a testimony that will bring glory and honor to Him.
“Father, I pray for (name) today that You would bring other believers alongside them to provide encouragement and accountability. Keep them walking with You, not straying off the path, not lingering in shadows or darkness, and not sitting by the wayside, watching sin with interest. Lord, keep them from sin. Put a guard on their eyes. Protect their heart with the breastplate of righteousness and their mind with the helmet of salvation. Impress on them the need for and importance of accountability. Help them to be humble, transparent, honest, and active in a Christian community- a fellowship of believers who would surround them with wisdom, encouragement, and protection. Lord, only You can accomplish this, I pray that you will. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Pray without ceasing.
Who Influences You?
It’s true, the people we spend time with are the ones who have great influence on us. We begin to reflect, imitate, and resemble them in our thought, speech, and action.
Consider why we often see those who are successful in business associating with others who are of equal caliber? They learn from one another and propel their business acumen to greater heights. Tennis players want to play against those who are more experienced, and who have stronger skills because it challenges them and pushes them to improve their game. The same should be said of our choice of friends. Who makes us a better person? Who pushes us to be exceptional? Who sharpens our faith and disciples our walk with the Lord?
“Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”” 1 Corinthians 15:33
When we spend time with people of good character, we tend to make better choices. But the opposite is also true. When we associate with people who are more poorly behaved, have bad habits, and are less principled, we tend toward the same if we’re not intentional to maintain our personal standards and our commitment to live for the Lord. It’s a far-too easy capitulation and one that takes us down a slippery slope.
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Jim Rohn
When our children were little, we were particular about who they spent time with. We didn’t want them picking up inappropriate behavior or language. We wanted to ensure that the influences on them were positive and Godly, pushing them in the right direction and impressing on them the kind of person they ought to be, cultivating in them the character and habits that reflected Jesus well. Yet, now that they’re adults, we can’t manage that for them. They need to stand on their own convictions.
Who our sons and daughters choose to associate with for fun, encouragement, mentoring, and more all have an impact on them. Will they choose those who will push and pull them closer to the cross or will they choose compromise, little allowances here and there because “what can it hurt?” Will they compartmentalize their life, living for the Lord on Sunday, but living their own will on the weekdays? Will they pursue success according to the world or the Word? Each choice to allow something questionable weakens their spiritual armor that protects them from the enemy.
“Associate yourself with people of good quality, for it is better to be alone than in bad company.” – Booker T. Washington
Our sons and daughters are continually being pressed to compromise, tolerate downward-trending morals and overlook indiscretions- both their own and those of others. Peer pressure in high school has nothing on the peer pressure in today’s social scene, corporate world, military life, and beyond. Our sons and daughters are in the thick of the battle when it comes to the challenge of standing firm and choosing their associates wisely - are we praying for their protection?
As parents, we ought to pray daily that our sons and daughters cling tightly to the cross and that everything they choose to say and do, each place they choose to go, and each person they choose to embrace is filtered through the godly worldview that is founded on Scripture. Does it please the Lord? Does it represent Christ well? It truly needs to be asked, what would Jesus do? And if He wouldn’t, don’t.
“Choose your friends carefully for you will tend to be like them and be found where they choose to go.” Thomas Monson
The question is, who do our sons and daughters want to become and how do they want to be known? What do they value most? We cannot answer those questions for them, but I guarantee, we know the answers we want to hear.
As parents of adult children, our influence has shifted. It looks different and our greatest leverage is in prayer. Today, let’s pray fervently that our sons and daughters choose their friends wisely. Pray that they would heed the prompting of the Holy Spirit to refuse to compromise their values. Pray that they would be salt and light, not shunning those who don’t know Jesus, but living like Jesus amongst them, showing compassion, love, and choosing what is right, no matter what, so that God is glorified.
“Lord, I know (name) is confronted with pressures to compromise their standards and their faith. We live in a world that mocks Christians and abuses Your name. I pray that You would surround (name) with others who love You and serve You. Give them courage and conviction to stay true to their faith and morals when they’re confronted with opportunities or temptation to compromise. I pray that Your Holy Spirit would prompt and remind them and help them to be sensitive to His voice. Lord, I pray that they would not find the world appealing but would constantly run to You for their affirmation, encouragement, and anchor. Remind them of the hope they have in Jesus and the eternal blessings of following Him. Lord, let them shine Your light amongst those who are chasing after things that will not satisfy. Don’t let them join in the chase. Help them to choose good company and build good character in them. I pray this in Jesus’ name, amen.”
Are you praying for a prodigal? Don’t lose heart. Keep laying your burdens in prayer at the feet of Jesus. Trust Him and know that He’s working. You may not see it, but He works in dimensions that are beyond our comprehension. Pray for those friends and associates that interact with your beloved prodigal, that God would use them to bring them to repentance and a redeeming relationship with Jesus.
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