A Season of Saying Farewell
This week we’re going back to a post from 2019. As parents get ready to send their kids off to school- whether it be to Kindergarten for the first time or university and the first steps of adulting, those changes are hard. They signal a new stage of parenting and a heart-adjustment that takes longer than the initial ‘goodbye’. Take some time to read and pray. And trust that long before you ever knew that little one would be placed in your arms, your home, and your heart, God knew them. He has and has a plan for their life. Trust Him. He’s ever present, always faithful, and the One you can trust without fail.
It’s hard being a parent, isn’t it? Parenting is all-consuming. Every. Waking. Moment. But as your children grow and mature, their needs change, they become more independent and before you know it, that day arrives when they get ready to leave. They head off to college, get married, or take that job in the exciting new place. And there you are….a parent without someone to parent.
Today’s devotion and prayer are written with a lot of my friends in mind, and if I’m honest, it’s written for me. Many of us are struggling with emotions right now…trying to hang tough and look like we’re excited on the outside, but melting and choking back tears on the inside. We don’t want to be THAT Mom who clings too tightly to her child, not wanting or afraid to let go. We want to be ecstatic that they are pursuing their dreams and grabbing hold of the amazing opportunities God’s brought to them; but we grieve.
We have reached that bridge where we cross from parenting a child to parenting an adult. It’s a re-defining of our role. It’s a new, uncharted ocean and we’re adrift, far from any familiar landmarks. It’s feeling loss and grief and wondering who we are now….and whether we’ll figure it out any time soon. And will there be peace again…and joy?
Farewells are hard, not just because you’re saying goodbye, and not because you’re letting go, but because of the unknown. You’re releasing your beloved son or daughter to something and somewhere that is beyond your control, your protection, and your reach.
When I would talk with my kids about their future and where they would settle, I wanted them to know that I was excited for them to go wherever God would choose to take them, whether 10 miles away, or 10,000. We had conversations about exotic places and exciting jobs and ministries. Was I being truthful in my excitement? Yes, absolutely. I would joke that the only stipulation was they must have a place for me to stay when I visit. Some parents might think I was nuts. Honestly, my own mother would have been appalled. She struggled when I moved 8 miles away.
Truth be told, I was excited to think that my kids would venture out into places that were beyond our borders, because if they did, it would mean God was drawing them to do a work that was beyond what we might have asked or imagined for them. Some people may think I’m crazy, but there is no better place to be than where God leads and if you resist and fuss at your children following after God, you become a stumbling block and, dare I say, tool of the Enemy (Ouch). We cannot protect them by holding them back. That won’t keep them safe or shield them from pain. But it will breed discontent, frustration, and bitterness between them and you. The more tightly you cling, the more they will resist and pull away.
When I first wrote this post, my kids were in college (with one still in high school). Life has changed, once again. Now, they’re all graduated and in different locations. God’s tested that willingness in my heart in leading our son to be a military doctor. He won’t just go far away, he’ll likely, at some point, be in the midst of danger. When our son explained how field hospitals are set up, he shared that they are at interval distances from the front with the closest being within 5km of the front line…and then he shared, “that’s where I want to be.” My heart cries out, “Jesus, protect my son!” Yet, I know, if that’s where God wants him, there is no safer place for my son to be. God’s will is perfect and protective. God knows the number of our days and no one can shorten that, no enemy can thwart it, no threat can overcome. Who do I trust? God or man? I choose to trust and rest in the Lord. Do I worry? Of course, but I don’t let it take over and I don’t allow it to become an idol- that which consumes my time, attention, and affection.
Mom and Dad, we need to step back, let our children fly, and in turn, anchor ourselves in Christ, trusting Him for their safe keeping. We need to pray for their growth and a deepening faith, and for our own as well.
Still struggling? Read Psalm 139:7-10, this is good stuff.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
There is nowhere your son or daughter can go that is outside of God’s protection, care and control. Across the ocean? He’s there. In a closed country? He’s there. In a war zone, He’s there too. God’s hand will always guide them and will always hold them fast. What we need to do is pray that our children consistently reach out to Him and cling to His hand and we need to do the same, modeling that complete trust in the One who loves us.
Mom and Dad, it’s time to set them free and watch them fly. Your heart will go to places you never imagined and your God will sustain you with the peace you need to re-define your role as a parent….you may even discover you become a friend and confidante of your once little one, unimaginable in the teenage years, now refreshing and fulfilling.
“Lord, today I ask that your Spirit would watch over every step that (name) takes. Lead (name) wherever you choose, and help me to have your peace and to trust You to take care of (name). Being in your care is far safer and better than any protection I could ever offer and your watchfulness and provision better than anything I could ever provide. Lord, please guide (name) and hold them fast. Above all, I pray that (name) would look to you for help, hope, and protection. Please help (name) to realize and there is nowhere they could run from you and trust there is nowhere you cannot protect and guide them. I ask that (name) would seek to follow after you all the days of their life, even if called to the ends of the earth. In Jesus name, Amen.”
Building a Godly Life
A rite of passage for young adults is moving out of their parent’s home and into their own place. We all know it’s coming someday, but when the day arrives, it’s bittersweet because for us as parents, it marks the end of a season. We step away from the ‘active parenting role’ and into the unfamiliar territory of parenting an adult. We no longer tell them what to do or how to do it (but if they ask, we’re happy to share). Our own agenda, calendar, and priorities are no longer the guidepost for their days and cannot dictate what they do, where they go, and when they interact with us or others. We can (and do) offer wisdom and guidance, but their decision making is their own. They have a job and they’re building a home and a life. It is important that we respect their adulthood while still offering wise words in discerning ways at appropriate times. (Oh that there was a manual for this stage!)
And though we won’t hear the laughter coming from their room or enjoy the unexpected conversations when they walk in and plop on the sofa at the end of the day, telling us all about their day, we’ll still enjoy the relationship. The conversations will unfold differently and, perhaps more deeply. The relationship shifts from the parent caring for a dependent child to that of a parent encouraging an adult son or daughter (note, we didn’t use the word ‘child’). And, of course, we will keep praying…always. Because, although they’re no longer occupying our house, they’ll never stop occupying our heart.
We recently launched our youngest into her own place. When she moved out of our home, we gave her the things we no longer needed or wanted. She furnished her home with second-hand furniture, thrift store finds and things collected from family and friends. Often, our sons and daughters have an idea of how they want their space to ‘look’ and they pay a lot of attention to that. But the more important thing is the foundation of their life- how does that look? Is it solid? Does it fit a life that is Biblically sound?
Building a life requires wisdom (we know that young adults have some wisdom…but wisdom comes with years and experience…they’ll figure that out at some point). As much as we help them find the physical items they need for their home, the spiritual aspects are even more vital as they live as independent adults. Our job now, as parents and mentors, is to pray intentionally that the home and life they build is one founded on Godly wisdom and truth.
“By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.” Proverbs 24:3-4
The following are prayer points that we can pray for our sons and daughters as they establish themselves in adulthood (and in the new neighborhood)
Pray that they are intentional to spend time in God’s Word daily- reading, learning, gaining wisdom and knowledge.
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.” Philippians 1:9-11
2. Pray that they would have spiritual discernment and always look to the Lord for wisdom and protection.
“But my eyes are fixed on you, O sovereign Lord; in You I take refuge- do not give me over to death. Keep me from the snares they have laid for me, from the traps set by evildoers. Let the wicked fall into their own nets, while I pass by insafety. “
Psalm 141:8-10
3. Pray that they find a good church in which to settle, learn, grow and have fellowship and accountability. It’s easy to drift away from the habit of going to church.
“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25
4. Pray that their friendships and any spouse-potential relationship would be God-honoring, that those they surround themselves with, spend time with, and whom they allow to build into their life would be Christ-followers who desire to please God more than anyone else.
“I am a companion of all who fear you, of those who keep your precepts.” Psalm 119:63
5. Then, let’s pray over them daily, that the Lord would guide their steps, protect them from harm and from those who would deceive them, and provide for them both physically and spiritually. Pray that they would desire more of Him and would see His hand in their life.
“Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight.” Psalm 119:35
“Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me.” Psalm 119:133
Today, let’s pray Psalm 121 over our sons and daughters:
“I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.The Lord watches over you—
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.The Lord will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.”
Pray without ceasing